in which i am grumpyweek 32baby grace~

It seems as if all I can think about these days is this pregnancy, how much longer I have, how excited I am to have another baby girl, how uncomfortable I am, and how I feel like my life has currently spiraled out of control. I told Glen I've reached the point where life is on auto pilot. I'm just in waiting mode. I've given up on following our routine as closely I'd like, and that's okay. It's a season. Seven and a half weeks to go! If we accomplish school and we have dinner than the day has been a success. I am desperately hoping that all that wonderful nesting energy will kick in soon.

I had a realization the other day of a good way to accurately describe this pregnancy and how it has been very different than the first six. Always before, I've gone merrily, normally along, living my life...while pregnant. This time, I feel like I. AM. PREGNANT. and I'm getting through every day as best I can. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited, and I would say even more thankful than normal due to how close we came to losing her at the very beginning, but boy am I tired and uncomfortable. Glen, as well as the rest of my family, has teased me in the past saying I have so many children because I love being pregnant so much. And generally, I've agreed. But this time around I'm realizing that while I love being pregnant, I am not enjoying feeling pregnant. This pregnancy is the first time I've realized that there is, in fact, a difference between the two. My midwife was teasing me that maybe it's because I'm getting old(er.) Gee. If I'm having this hard of a time at 28, how on earth do people do it in their late 30s to 40s? I imagine that it has more to do with so many pregnancies so close together rather than my age :o)

So anyway, I've wanted to blog, but I've been short on inspiration. Since I'm sure you guys don't care about how many diapers I change and that ever since I wrote about my great laundry method and how I've never been behind I now feel the need to rebel against my own method and now Glen and Caleb are fighting over who gets the clean socks have been sharing socks I've not had much to say. But I've recently come across several different "pregnancy diaries" that various friends have kept/are keeping. I thought that since the main reason I blog is to have some record of what life is like smack in the middle of my years that everyone says to hang onto, that keeping a little record of these last few weeks was a great idea. Not to mention that it gives me something to write about, so I'll give it a go. I'm learning that the older I get and the more children I have, the faster I forget things I never thought I would forget. Right now it seems as if I could never forget what life is like experiencing pregnancy, toddlers, preschoolers, grade schoolers, wanna be middle schoolers all at the same time. But experience has taught me that it is so easy to forget, and I really want to remember.

Remember when I said I wanted to do a post and just be grumpy? This is it. Modified. I kept having that verse going through my head about not complaining so I never thought I should just blog for the sole purpose of complaining. After all, I AM very excited, and so thankful to be having another sweet baby girl. So under the guise of keeping a record of this pregnancy to go back and reference or just remember when I'm old, I found a way to complain am going to try and write down some different thoughts and experiences I'm having this go round.

Just my random thoughts at this point.

**Physically, this pregnancy has been vastly different. Like I said earlier, I don't know if I've ever really felt pregnant before. I mean, other than the good stuff. I've had the occasional aches and pains, I did have pneumonia at the end of Haven's pregnancy, but that wasn't really pregnancy related. I've had sciatic pain with the last two, but it just comes and goes. And I've had indigestion at night if I've not been careful about what I've eaten.

**Going back to the beginning, my dates were slightly off. I'm still secretly hoping they were right. It would be great if I was due two weeks earlier than I'm "planning" for. My girls were 20 days (going by Anna's first dates, 10 if going by the modified dates) and 15 days early respectively. (hint, hint, baby Grace, hint hint)

**I was freezing cold, even in Florida. That part is normal. I'm always cold when pregnant. Especially the first trimester. My best guess is that my body is diverting all it's extra energy to growing a baby and doesn't have much left over for keeping me warm.

**I had the hemorrhage. Was on full bedrest for two weeks, modified for another month or so.

**Found out at 10.5 weeks it was probably a girl! Later confirmed around 14 or so weeks and then again at 20.

**This time around, I've had lots of new "complaints" that I've never had before.

*****I have varicose veins in my right leg. They bothered me tremendously around the holidays when I was on my feet in the kitchen so much, now it's just the occasional day when they are sore. But they are ugly and I've never had them before!

*****My feet and ankles are somewhat swollen. Again, not a huge deal, but having never had them swell before is bothering me. My legs are the one the one thing that have never changed during pregnancy, so it's bugging me that they are affected this time.

*****Indigestion plagues me almost constantly. There is very little I can eat without it bothering me. Since I've started taking digestive enzymes, they have helped tremendously, but not completely. I do feel that at this point the baby may have dropped slightly as it's not bothered me as much the last week or so. For me, indigestion first keep me from being able to go to sleep, but then, once I do fall asleep, sometime later I will suddenly wake up from a very sound sleep just about to throw up. I usually gag and cough for awhile and then lay back down. I usually nap with Noah, and when it happens at naptime, he wakes up and says, "Don't throw up on me, Mommy! Don't throw up on me!" Which is the same thing he says when I change his dirty diapers. Poor kid, always thinking his mom is just about to puke all over him :o)

*****I have sciatic pain again. I've had it on the right side the last several pregnancies, this time it seems to be on both sides. It's not constant, thankfully, but when it's there, I can barely move!

*****I found out I've been anemic, which explains the extreme fatigue. I've started taking Floradix twice a day, instead of once, and chlorophyll. I can tell it's helped some.

*****I've had a lot of back pain this time. I never used to have any back pain. At all. I always wondered if it was because of the metal rods that were placed in there when I was a child, I kind of thought maybe they just gave me extra support. I don't know, but my back has been hurting a lot.

*****I've been so tired, and uncomfortable, and in pain, that mostly what I do is sit in my chair at my desk and direct traffic. My desk is right in the middle of the downstairs, so I can hear what's going on upstairs, see into the school room, living room, and kitchen, so it's a great central spot. I've begun to wonder though if I'm sitting down too much. I can tell my back hurts lots more when I've sat all day versus when I've been more active. Now, if I could just get my brain and body to agree on a plan of action :o)

*****I take at least two baths a day, sometimes three. The weightlessness of the water and the heat helps tremendously, even if it's only 15 minutes. Once I finally explained to the kids that I took so many baths because it helped me feel better they were lots more sympathetic and understanding than when they thought I was just being lazy :o)

*****My midwife says I'm measuring right on, but from the reactions I get from people when I tell them how much longer I have says something different. I think I'm glad for the sympathy. I think. I've reached the point where Glen gets bug eyed and has to work hard to contain his laughter when he sees me change. You'd think he'd be used to it by now.

**I keep wondering what I did with all my other kids as far as clothes are concerned. I cannot keep my pants up. It is terribly frustrating. I did get a bella band, which works perfectly, but I never had one before so I've been wondering what I did. I guess I just pulled them up all the time. I don't wear the bella band all the time, and when I don't it's so annoying pulling my pants up every thirty seconds. I would highly recommend anyone who is getting quite obviously pregnant to have a bella band. It looks cute (like a layered shirt) and is supportive on my back.

**I know I'm extra tired because I skipped out on my friend's birthday celebration on the women's retreat to go to bed. They had cake. Made by a fabulous cook at our church. Enough said. I was busy enjoying my bed. It was super squishy and I got the best sleep I'd had in a very long time. I even skipped out on the morning session to go back to bed. It was that good.

**My nesting plans, at this point, seem to be falling by the wayside. Oh, I've got lots of plans. Zero energy. I did manage to stock up on the non-perishables (if you read this in a reader, on the blog I kept my list of what I wanted and marked it off when I had purchased them.) Unfortunately, after all those shopping trips, all I could do was come in and crash. That means Glen and the kids took most of it to the basement and threw it on the shelves. My plan is to get down there and organize it at some point. Hmmm....we'll see if that actually happens or not.

**The furthest I've gotten in my food and meal preparation is to make a list of what I want to make. Hopefully I'll get furthur along than that. Oh well. I'm learning lots about patience and letting things go this time around. It's good for me. It really is. But then again, meals for my family would be good too. I'm going to put a list in the sidebar of what I want to get in the freezer as well, then everyone can see if it happens or not. I'm just hoping it will be motivating. Like I said....just waiting for all that nesting energy to hit full force.

**In the meantime, my nesting instincts are on overdrive, but since I have no energy to fulfill any of them, I realized it was coming out in the form of wanting to buy things to prepare. Which is fine. To a point. I realized I had zero summer clothes for the baby. I'm a huge fan of baby sleepers the first months, but with my summer babies I always hit the point where I realize, "Oh. It is hot. I wonder if the baby is hot. Maybe I should get some summer clothes." I realized that early this time. And I discovered etsy. All in the same week. Let's just say for a baby who will be at home 99% of the time, she'll be one cute baby.

(and it's all handmade by moms!)

(This is my favorite. I hope she grows enough hair quickly to be able to wear those barrettes!)

**We knew her name, Grace Rose, from the time we found out she was a girl. Other than Noah, we've never had a name this early. Grace is the first baby that Glen has called by name prior to birth.

**The kids are all super excited. They were so scared when they found out we might lose her, and that has caused them to have such an appreciation and sweetness toward her my entire pregnancy. They each pray for her every night, and they love to watch and feel her moving around. Especially Caleb. It has been extra sweet for me to see his big brother heart growing these past months. I found out the night I was bleeding so much that he went out for a walk, in the dark, alone, and talked to God quite a bit about saving his baby brother or sister.

**I can't help but wonder why she was spared. So many people I know have lost babies. I never realized how common it is. I had two friends due within days of me. We all had problems the same week, they lost their babies, but Grace went on to be fine. Why? I don't understand it all, but I can't help but feeling there was a reason. And her name being Grace. She just seems covered in it. And I pray it just flows out of her and covers our family!

I guess that's all for now. My sister took ALL my kids today and there is a ridiculous amount of organization and throwing away cleaning that is yelling my name from the upstairs...so off I go. If you read the whole thing...wow! (you must be bored!)