wedded bliss, little people style~

You know you're parents to little people, and you've been married for awhile when for your 12th anniversary you take your kids out for ice cream to celebrate.

You know, I'm just saying... :o)

overheard at my house last night~

Caleb has been trying to gather supplies to make a volcano for the past few days. Tonight, he went to the basement to find something to put his creation on so that it wouldn't make a mess when it erupted :o)

He happened to find a very large piece of cardboard, one that Glen has just used as a dropcloth for something he was painting...

So he drags this cardboard upstairs, one side of it covered in paint, and promptly sets it down on the floor. A few minutes later, Glen is helping him with the volcano, and realizes that it's the cardboard he had just been using. Apparently, Caleb had just picked it up and neglected to notice the wet paint...

Glen: Caleb! Buddy, use your brain!

Ethan: Gee, Dad. He does use his brain. All the time. He just wasn't using very much of it right then.

over the river and through the woods~

...to the great Smoky Mountains we go...

Upon my release back into real life last week (the hemorrhage is completely gone, yay God!), Glen promptly planned a camping trip. Poor guy. He neglected to factor in the fact that although I may be *allowed* to resume real life, I am still pregnant and tired. He's going to have a ton of laundry to do when we return. Actually, I'm all for it, but I told him last night I'm choosing to think of it in that hazy "camping is fun" sort of mental fog and not think about all the details...like it's a ton of work and I sure hope Haven takes to sleeping in a pop up. For three nights. (I think I need a what was i thinking category.)

I've been teasing him for a few weeks now because he sold a couple of his work trailers and used the money to buy a pop up camper. We didn't think we'd get to go this year due to the whole bedrest thing, so he's been spending large amounts of time prepping it and getting all our gear stored in it (read: pretending we're going camping) He even slept out there with the kids one night. Now, we've been full fledged tent campers for several years now, but he felt that with our every growing family we needed a pop up he wanted a new toy. I kind of think you're not a *real* camper if you don't stay in a tent, I mean, I've gone tent camping several times within a month of delivering a baby, and even gone camping with a newborn, but you know, whatever. A gas heater with a thermostat will surely be appreciated these next three nights in Gatlinburg.

So if you think about it, say a prayer for us. Pray that I survive :o)

See you Sunday.

(unless i decide to check into a nice hotel with a hot tub and wi-fi, then you might hear from me before then. ha ha.)

celiac question answered~

You said I could ask a question and since I'm new to your blog......is your husband a celiac? I've done a lot of research into it over the past two years. My son and I both suffer from intestinal disorders which I believe are related to wheat/gluten. One time we went off gluten for two weeks and life was grand (except we were so hungry). What prompted you to go gluten free?

-Jonine

Let's see. Yes, my husband is a Celiac. So is my oldest daughter. None of our other children really have any symptoms or problems, so they've not been tested. We did find out that Anna is a double-gened Celiac, meaning she got a gene from each of us, so we do plan to have our other children tested in the coming months as that greatly increases the likelihood that they could have gluten issues in the future. **update 12.2008** We found out our third son, Ethan, is also a Celiac. You can read about why we chose to have him tested next and how it all came about here.

For a little history on how we came to learn that he was a Celiac, you can read a pretty thorough description of how his symptoms started and how we learned it was Celiac here:

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The way his symptoms started was pretty sudden, and through a lot of research I've learned that Celiac can almost lie dormant or at least asymptomatic for years until it is triggered by something. I sincerely believe that at first Glen did have giardia (a parasite) that triggered the onset of the Celiac. He went along for 31 years being pretty much fine, other than having a weak stomach, and then all of a sudden, he got scary sick and literally lost over thirty pounds in a couple of months. He became violentlly ill. It was bad. We had some initial trouble finding a doctor that would investigate and didn't want to just treat his syptoms, but once we saw an actual GI doctor, he immediately ordered a colonoscopy (which was fine, Celiac affects the small intestine, not large), and a bronchoscopy. He immediately suspected Celiac, and it was furthur confirmed via blood testing within a week. Since Glen went off gluten, he has felt fine.

Glen and I also believe it was the Lord's mercy that allowed us to discover that Anna also has it. She has always suffered with stomach problems, but nothing nearly as violent or pronounced as Glen became. She was also always a big bread lover :o) Once she heard that Dad was going off gluten, she immediately thought maybe it would help her as well, and on her own, she went cold turkey. She also immediately felt better.

This was a big flag to Glen and me that something was up with her as well, as how many nine year olds do you know that will voluntarily give up homemade rolls, pizza, and a host of other wheat containing foods that she loves? She struggled through it a little, but as she felt so much better, she stuck it out. A few months later we had her tested via an online testing facility (that involved a sample collection I won't go into detail about, but didn't involve blood - haha. We also had her genetically tested which involved a cheek swab.) It was really a relief for her results to be positive as it gave an explanation as to why her stomach had been bothering her for so long.

As far as the hunger thing, it was and is an adjustment. Thankfully, there are a few factors that have made it quite a bit easier.

First of all, my husband is very easy to please. His Dad died when he was seven, leaving his mom with very little life insurance, and four children to raise. He grew up just thankful for food in general. He is not picky, and he doesn't complain. In all honesty, I've not heard him complain one time about anything he cannot enjoy anymore. Not once. He's a trooper :o)

Secondly, we live in an area that has a very big natural foods/organic community. Gluten free items are found in not only our specialty stores (Whole Foods, we're getting Trader Joe's, etc.), but there's a fairly good selection in many regular grocery stores. While it can definitely get pricey, it is available. I've also found that Amazon has excellent prices on the gluten free items we use most often. I've also found that Pamela's Baking Mix (I buy it in bulk through Amazon) can be substituted in almost any recipe for flour and the result has been great every time. This has allowed us to enjoy pancakes, biscuits, cookies, cakes, etc. that are virtually indistinguishable from their gluten-laden counterparts.

In addition, I am so thankful I live when information is available in seconds. The internet community has been a lifesaver. There are an abundance of gluten free cooking blogs and information sites.

The hardest things have been eating out and parties. Glen can manage just fine anywhere, but I have to remember to pack Anna her own snack for special things at church, friends' houses, etc.

I know that technically, when one is a Celiac, it is supposedly very, very important that one is 100% gluten free, and that some Celiacs can get seriously ill from literally a crumb of gluten. Thankfully, that is not the case with Glen or Anna, so it allows us a little flexibility. Our entire house is not gluten free. Our other children, as well as myself, do eat sandwiches, and regular gluten containing foods (pizza, macaroni, other treats on occasion) as they are cheaper, and then I only have to make/buy the gluten free treats for Glen and Anna. I have to weigh cost vs. convenience since I'm feeding a family of eight here. For some things, like main meals and baked goods, I make completely gluten free as it's too time consuming to make two kinds of spaghetti, two kinds of casseroles, two batches of cookies, etc. But for some treats (bagels, cinnamon rolls, pizza crusts, pretty much anything that is "premade") I buy separate as the premade things are very pricey. I guess basically, if it's something I can make, I make it all gluten free, but if it's something I have to buy premade, then I usually buy the regular and gluten free varities.

The transition to making gluten free meals was actually much easier than I anticipated. Much easier. If you can really tell a difference in how you feel when off gluten, I would highly encourage you to find a few recipes online that sound good, make a grocery list, and try it for a few weeks. You will also find that most of your regular recipes can be pretty easily adapted. I'm glad to help you in any way I can. Most of our staple meals around here that formerly contained gluten (casseroles, pasta dishes, pizza, etc.) were VERY easily adapted to be gluten free. And on a more serious note, if you truly are Celiac, and not just gluten sensitive or intolerant, as I'm sure you've learned from your research, it is important that you remove gluten from your diet as it can lead to a huge variety of health problems, including cancer.

And you know, since you asked and everything (ha ha) my current number one gluten free concern is that I really hope by the time Anna gets married, bakeries will be skilled in making gluten free wedding cakes :o) That is most definitely not on my list of talents!

Well, I've answered your question and a lot of other ones you didn't ask :o) I told you all I was bored. This kind of stuff has been really helpful for me in our transition to a gluten free lifestyle, so I kind of wanted to put it out there for anyone else who might benefit.

So there you have it....everything you ever wanted to know about our Celiac adventure....and then some.

the princess turns five~

Isn't she beautiful?
How time flies.

Moriah,
It is one of my greatest thrills and privileges in life to be your mother.
To wake up to your mischievous smile and to
be enamored daily by your fun personality and infectious, giggly laughter
brings all of us joy every day.
You are so much fun and a blessing and delight to each of us.
We love you and are so glad God decided to make you and put your in our family!

Happy Birthday, Princess!
We love you.

And Happy Birthday to your Daddy, too :o)

the story of us~

For some time I've been meaning to write down the story of Glen and me. Even now, eleven years later, I am awed at the providence and hand of the Father bringing us together. Since today is finding me all alone and still not feeling well, here it is...

My entire life I dreamed of growing up to be a wife and mother. Like any other child I went through phases of wanting to be a teacher, a nurse, an orthopedic surgeon (that was after my back surgery!), but those were always over shadowed by what I wanted most.

When I was young, my parents thought the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing was normal, cute, and even to be encouraged. (Evidenced by my recent confession that my first movie date and kiss came at the ripe old age of ten.) They did not teach me to guard my heart. As I grew into adolescence, my father was too busy dealing with my mother to notice what was going on with me, and at the age of fourteen, I entered into a relationship that I still carry scars and wounds from to this day. Thankfully, it was short lived, but it ushered in a period of rebellion into my life that I am supremely thankful the Father led me out of with everlasting kindness and unconditional love. This period lasted for about a year and a half, until I was fifteen and a half.

At this point, I knew I did not want to do the dating thing. I continued in it for a time (the year my parents allowed me to go to public school,) breaking hearts and having my heart broken more times than I care to remember. Finally, I got to the point where I just wanted to find the man I was going to marry and leave all the other junk behind.

Soon after this, I developed this irrational fear that I would never be married and that I would never have children. I'm sure all girls wonder if they will find their Prince Charming, but this grew to be a fear that was unnatural.

Rewind a few years. When I was newly thirteen, I went on a missions trip to Eastern Europe with my church. Prior to our leaving, the leaders got together and asked the Lord to give a verse or passage of scripture to each person. Mine was Psalm 37:4 ~ Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." A nice little standard verse, I thought. But I hung onto it, remembered it, and pondered it. Little did I know how precious a gift from the Father this was to me.

One day I was sitting on my bed, dealing with this fear. I remember it so clearly. I felt the Lord speak to me, telling me I had to trust Him. Would I follow His plan for my life, even if that meant the loss of my dream? Did I want His plan, or my plan? I remember wrestling in my mind and my heart for some time. Finally, I broke down and said, "Yes, Lord. I will follow You. I submit to Your best plan for my life." Such peace I had after that. The desire of my heart did not change, but I was no longer tormented or afraid.

At this time I was around sixteen. I had one credit of high school left (yes, my senior year I needed all of one credit. Hmm...a little better planning in that department?). I was working at White Mountain Creamery, an ice cream store in Green Hills that several friends (including Glen's brother, Ben) worked at. This was the first of many doors the Lord opened in order to bring Glen and me together. Through my working there, I began to become friends with people in our church youth group that were several years my senior, people that I had known for years, but had always been just enough older than me that they were not part of my circle. I began to spend a lot of time with them as a group, and thus, began spending a lot of time around Glen. At the time he was in school part time and working in construction.

After a few months of this, Glen and I were counselors at Kids' Camp. We became better friends, and one day soon after camp, he came by the ice cream store and asked if I'd like to go to lunch sometime. The rest they say, is history :o)

Our first actual date was to the State Fair. As soon as we purchased ride tickets, it started pouring down rain. We ended up watching a movie at my house and making sloppy joes and french fries. We went to lunch at the park a few times, and within two weeks, we knew we would be married. Both of us were ready. I will admit, my parents' first reaction was nervousness as I was newly sixteen and Glen had just turned twenty-one, but they had known him as a youth leader for awhile and since we spent the majority of our time with my family, their fears were quickly gone.

I remember talking with my Dad on our front porch one morning and saying, "You know it's serious, don't you, Dad?" He looked at me with a look of complete understanding and seriousness (which is a little out of character for my Dad, he is a complete goofball.) and said, "Yes, sweetie. I know."

We were engaged two months later. I mentioned recently how the night we decided to be an official couple, we intentionally committed our plans and desires to the Lord. We knew from that first day we were moving toward marriage.

We did some marriage counseling at church, part of which involved taking a test that was supposed to show our strengths and bring to the surface potential points of conflict. Our counselor was amazed when our tests came back. He said he had never seen anyone so well matched on paper. My Dad marvels to this day at how well suited we are in our personalities and temperament. Even our points of difference in the test (for example, I thought the cooking, cleaning, etc. should be more my responsibility, whereas Glen felt it should be shared equally.) actually contributed to the strength of our relationship and the practical working out of our life. Our counselor didn't feel the need to meet with us anymore, but the thing I remember the most clearly from the two meetings we did have, was that he reminded Glen that I was just a child. That he would have to give me grace and room to grow up. He said we would be growing up together, and just to remember that.

Seven months later we were married. My high school graduation was two weeks before our wedding. I had been seventeen for all of two months when we were married, and my parents had to sign for my marriage license. Most people thought they were crazy, and I am so thankful they saw the hand of the Father in our relationship and were able to go against convention. Many of our friends were skeptical, but supported us anyway. I still have to wonder what they said to each in confidence :o)

Psalm 37:4 continues to be one of my life verses. My boundary lines have truly fallen in pleasant places. Through that first decision to allow the Father to be the Lord of my life, to author my days, in being willing to submit to His plan, blessing upon blessing has been given me and He has fulfilled the desires of my heart. Through seeing the blessing that came from that first submission to His will, it has made it so much easier to trust Him in every other area of life and submit again and again. I do not say this out of a place of pride. I am extremely grateful the Father has gently led me and loved me with a tenderness that has won my heart.

I am also thankful for the Lord bringing Glen not only into my life, but the life of my family. I grew up next door to my grandmother, aunt, and two great aunts. They were essentially my other mothers, and we are still very much in each others' lives. In various ways, they, along with my mother, have all been hurt tremendously by men in their lives, and it is sweet to see how the Father has brought some healing and redemption to them through my husband.


So here it is...the story of us.

life around here~

Even though we school year round, there's something about the end of May that brings with it that end of the year feeling. For the most part, everyone has finished up the current year's work, and has begun a new grade. Just this morning, I announced, "Hey! You guys are 5th, 3rd, and 1st graders now! And...we have an up-and-coming Kindergartner! Yay, Moriah!" Well, everyone thought the graduation should be rewarded with oh, say....something from the candy basket. So, why not? Sure, you want to celebrate your boundless knowledge by rotting your teeth and filling up on sugar, be my guest :o) Just kidding...I'm not a total meanie!


The last few weeks have been really full. We've been finishing up school, evaluating what to do/work on over the summer, spring cleaning, getting out spring clothes and moving winter clothes around, and still really spending a lot of time thinking and praying about what to do for next year. We've been working on a budget and evaluating our income and spending habits, and bringing that aspect of school into the equation.


In all honesty, that has been a really, really hard one for me as I tend to approach things from the side of asking God what does He wants us to do about school (meaning stay home full time or continue on the plan of doing the Bethel/BCA tutorial stuff), and going from there, but after looking at, quite truthfully, our lack of budgeting like we should have been, we're evaluating what we should do from a financial standpoint. Nothing really major is going on, it's just that when Glen started his business four-ish years ago, we had a home equity line of credit that we used and have just never made the effort to pay off. Looking at "the economy" and the ongoing quest to bring our lives more and more into His will and following His Ways, it is really to our shame that we've let it hang around this long. So, the big question is do we pay it off faster at the expense of not doing any outside school this next year, or do we pay it off a little slower and do Bethel and BCA? Saying this is hard for me is probably the understatement of the year :o) For me, it's not just about economics. I felt like I had really heard from God about next year, but now I'm having to consider that maybe my husband's input into this is quite possibly just as much an answer about what we should do as all my "confirmations" and "leadings" are. Yikes! There is such a big picture here and gee whiz how I wish I knew what it was! Is life this intense for everyone else or am I just a serious over analyzer? I can't even get into all my thoughts (rabbit trails?) on this or I would be writing a serious novel :o)


On the upside, I am proud to say I have listened again to Directing Vision Daily all the way through once so far, and quite a bit of it several times. I can't say enough good about it. It is amazing and just exactly what I need in my relationship with all my children, but particularly the older ones. There is definitely a learning curve, and it requires a lot of patience, creativity, and quick thinking on my part, but I am slowly incorporating it into every day life and it is making a huge difference! It was long overdue and I am so thankful the Lord reminded me about it. It was a specific answer to a very specific prayer for how to deal with some growing um....tension, control battles, frustration, etc. I had to pretty much parent myself from the age of 14 (not to mention my very early years as well), so I am used to being in control. God, in his infinite wisdom (read: sense of humor?) gave me a daughter so like me it's ridiculous (iron sharpening iron?), and our burning desire to each do things "my" way was beginning to cause conflict. I am passionate about nurturing, building, and maintaining mother-daughter relationship so my heart cry for the last months has been for a literal breaking of something in me so that I can be the mother that first of all, the Lord made me to be, but also that my children need, and that I never learned how to be. It's been a long time since I wrote my first introduction where I talked about needing to break free from well, most of my childhood stuff, but I see my role as somewhat of a pioneer in that I desire to change the way my family lives as compared to how I was brought up. I did grow up in a Christian family, but it was (and still is) very co-dependant and my parents were too busy dealing with their own problems to pour into us. I want to be intentional in my mothering and basically, just do things right. Ha. Easier said than done. And that is why my life is all about Him, because I know that if it's even remotely about me, I'm going to fail miserably :o)


So anyway, it's been kind of funny to witness this attempt at changing my helicopter/drill sergeant mindset. When Ethan declares I'm unfair and I say "I know" he looks at me like I'm the craziest person in the world, but he thinks it's pretty funny too. Caleb is still asking how much he would have to pay me to do his jobs, but he thinks $4 for putting away his socks is pretty high, so he jumps on it pretty quick. Anna has actually been sick these last few days, so I've not been able to practice on her quite as much, but she is definitely enjoying her new, happier mama. If anyone has any ideas on how to incorporate this method with bossiness, I really need to know it. That's probably our number one thing we have to correct Anna about and it is beyond highly annoying. I'm really at a loss on how to handle this one.


And on a side note, we've lost a member of the pacifier club, and the other two are on restriction. Anyone want to guess who the drop out is? It's...Noah! And it was actually pretty easy. He's only asked for it about once a day, and only cried for about a minute one time. Moriah's been on restriction for awhile now, as I'm really kind of embarrassed to be one of those moms whose almost five year old still sneaks a paci. Haven is fine to leave it in his bed until he's tired, so hopefully the full blow habit will never develop :o)


I've got to run to fix dinner number two (I burned dinner number one). Happy Friday :o)

a couple of questions answered~

I've gotten a couple of questions regarding The Taming of the Two, that I'll just try and answer really quickly.

First, is it too late to teach older kids to be able to stop and/or control their crying when disciplined?

No way! We didn't know about teaching our kids this until Noah. In a way, it's probably a little easier to teach them the concept of what you mean since they are older (they understand the words "be quiet" and "cry quietly" or "stop crying"), but it's a little more difficult to get them to actually harness their self control if they've previously been allowed to protest loudly when they're in trouble.

With Ethan and Moriah (the main two we've had to actually teach this to as Anna and Caleb are older and get the concept perfectly, even if they don't like it) we just kind of explained that it was no longer going to be okay for them to scream, throw a fit, cry super loud, etc. if they were being disciplined or just mad at someone. Screaming and yelling need to be reserved for when you really need help and it was not okay to be overly hysterical when being disciplined or when you're angry. We explained it ahead of time, and in the event they are going to be disciplined, we remind them ahead of time. We do tell them if it's a spanking that they will receive an extra spank or two if they throw a fit. It really doesn't take very long for them to know that you seriously expect them to hold in their cries or at least cry softly. If they know they will be in further trouble if they throw a fit, they will stop being hysterical and master self control.

If you have a particularly stubborn child (as is Moriah), sometimes this can turn into a big hairy deal with loud hysterics and running and hiding. In that case, just keep your cool, be very aloof, but fight it through to the end. I've been known to have to securely hold a child with all of my strength waiting for them to calm down. Once they have calmed down (after a particularly hysterical event), then follow through with whatever consequence you decide (spanking, loss of privilege, etc.)

Anyway, so we basically explained it, and if they started to do it, we reminded them to stop. As it's training, they probably won't do it the first time on command (or second, or third...but they will begin to get the picture). So, we gather the child into our arms, or onto our lap, hold them securely and put our hand over his or her mouth (again, just their mouth, not their nose...obviously) to help them calm down. It's basically them learning to close their mouth instead of opening it and yelling, so placing our hand over their mouth serves to help them learn to just keep it closed and hold in their cry. (This always sounds so mean when you type it out, but I promise it's not.) If they continue to cry loudly and protest, remind them they will get a spank, and if they don't begin to make an attempt to bring their loud crying under control (you'll see them actually working through the process of calming down), then follow through. If you see an attempt being made, encourage them, and continue to hold them until they are calm.

It is actually pretty neat to watch a young child mastering control over the outward expression of their anger or frustration. Obviously, you want to deal with root problems, heart issues, etc. and not just teach them to stuff it, but I'm specifically talking about teaching them to not throw a fit. With our older kids especially, when discipline has gotten to the point of a spanking, a good (often long) conversation usually follows to draw out the heart issue and find out what's really going on. So again, I'm not talking about stuffing or ignoring emotions and not dealing with things, I am purely talking about being able to cry quietly.

And for the record, crying is perfectly acceptable when you're hurt or sad :o)


A Little More on Blanket Training...

I didn't have a way to get in touch with Christy who asked me about it (hi!), I thought I'd just answer it here.

I have mainly two areas that I do this in. The first place is a large area rug (5x8) that is right in the middle of our house. It is right in the middle of all the activity as our floor plan is pretty much completely open. I put the baby/child on it (this can also be taught when they're older), show them the boundaries, touch the rug, say "stay on the rug," touch the floor, say "no, no. don't go off the rug." Touch rug, say "yes," touch the wood floor, say "no." Repeat a few times in a totally cheerful, happy mood. They are not at all in trouble, I'm not trying to convey displeasure, after all, I want them to be happy on the rug. Make sure you have some toys, books, entertainment of some sort available in the area you want them to stay.

I stay right by them, at first paying attention to them. When they stick their little hand or foot off the rug, place them firmly back within bounds, and repeat as above. I'll repeat it two or three times before I give them a little swat. But I stay cheerful! This is key. I still stay with them giving little swats each time they test the waters until they decide to comply. As I don't want this to turn into a crying session, after I give a swat, I will attempt to occupy them with the toys. Then I walk off a little, still very close by, but I'll wash dishes, or read, or whatever (make them think the police are otherwise occupied!). As soon as they decide to test me again, I'm on top of it, cheerfully giving them a little swat, putting them back with the toys. At first, they will probably not want the toys as they're beginning to get a little mad at their new found lack of previous freedom, but if you just ignore their crying a little, they will decide to eventually get over it and occupy themselves.

If you have a baby that is just getting really upset at the whole process, stay and play with them long enough to distract them and get them happy. Then walk away and expect them to stay. Again, like all training, it's a process, you will probably have to repeat the scenario over and over, and it will take a little time at the outset, but it will be well worth it, and your child will learn to play within bounds happily. I believe it really fosters the use of creativity and imagination as they learn to have fun in a defined area.

The other area I use is actually our school room (that isn't actually used for school as all my kids like to sprawl all over the rest of the house, thereby leaving the school room free for the little kids to play in). It's a room off of the main area with french doors, so it's a little more confined, but I just teach them to stay on the carpet (the area outside the doors is wood) by showing them the "line" as mentioned earlier.

I do want to say that I don't use it as a way to ignore my children or their needs, it's just a way for them to play safely, happily, and learn obedience and how to play on their own. I know a lot of moms who feel that they can never get away from their children as their children have become very dependant on being entertained by mom and never learn to play by themselves. A child's ability to play by him/herself is a vital skill. That's never been a problem around here, although I have noticed that Noah and Haven are a lot more used to being entertained by someone at all times so I've had to make it a point to allow them to have some alone time.

A couple of useful links for blanket training are Moms and More and Life In A Shoe (she also explains some common misconceptions, what blanket training is not, and is kind of funny about it). It is really along the same lines as teaching your child to not touch something breakable, not to grab your glasses, not to pull plates off the table, not to touch a Christmas tree, etc. Also, I do not use a wooden spoon, rod, paddle, etc. in teaching them. Around here the whole process is done happily and cheerfully.

And now, for my confession...
in case anyone comes over,

I have not actually blanket trained Haven yet, that little guy has free run of the place
well, except for pack n play time, but that's another topic :o)

the taming of the two~

I will apologize up front...
yes, it is another novel...

The proverbial two...terrible twos, terrific twos.

I get more questions about two year olds than anything else. I guess you all think since I've done it coming up on six times that I must have some answers...ha ha. Noah is my most challenging two yet. Has it occurred to anyone that maybe God has allowed me to experience the twos five times thus far because I'm really hard headed and tend to learn lessons the hard way? Maybe the refining that God wants to do in parents can be accomplished in some people with two or three but for me takes ___ (pick your number)?

All joking aside, I've recently had several people ask me some specific questions about two year old issues. While I in no way claim to know everything (or even much at all), I am glad to pass on what I have learned/am learning, and the resources that I go to.

Valuable Resources:

As with any and all of the resources I mention, each one is to be weighed in light of scripture, and in light of God's vision for your family. No man, woman, ministry, organization, etc. is perfect, nor infallible. I'm just laying it out there saying this is what we've used and what's worked for us. Not every resource works for every child, nor will it mesh with every parenting style or personality. And we do not subscribe to any of these methods or philosophies hook, line, and sinker. We've taken what works for us and discarded the rest.

The first resource that proved invaluable to Glen and I in our baptism by fire (Anna was your textbook strong-willed child) and that we were so thankful to be introduced to right as we needed guidance and practical advice, was the No Greater Joy ministry, specifically the To Train Up A Child books. Michael Pearl is highly respected, and highly despised. For us, his child training advice was wonderful. In my opinion, since he has five grown children, all happily married, all involved in some way in the ministry with their parents, enjoying great relationship with their parents into adulthood, he must know a thing or two. He values first time obedience, tying heart strings, corporal punishment without anger, administered in love, and training. His training advice is awesome, one of mine and Glen's most used tools in toddler hood, and I will talk more about it later.

We love anything by Focus on the Family as both of us were raised listening to Dr. Dobson on the radio. Another excellent website with a wealth of information, a lot of it very practical and very specific, is Raising Godly Tomatoes. It is written from a large family perspective, but is excellent. Think "... a child left to himself disgraces his mother." Proverbs 29:15

Directing Vision Daily is by Danny Silk at Bethel Church in Redding, California, and is reminiscent of Parenting With Love and Logic. They come into play more as your children grow and are all about giving choices, natural consequences, and learning responsibility. I am in dire need of refreshing myself in these ideas as it's been awhile and I am sorely out of practice.

I also really like Raising Your Children In Grace by Liberated Living Ministries. It opened up a whole new way of thinking for me in regards to teaching my children to listen to the Holy Spirit themselves instead of feeling that I needed to be their holy spirit (and trust me, He is much kinder and gentler than I am).

For infants, babies, and even young toddlers, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and the Babywise books were helpful. I know Babywise is very controversial, and I will say that we do not follow a by the clock feeding routine for our babies. We do utilize a eat, play, sleep routine laid out by the Baby Whisperer that literally revolutionized our life when Noah was born, but we do not feed by the clock. I attribute the ability to lay Noah and Haven down in their bed, whenever needed, and they will go right to sleep, sometimes playing quietly for awhile, even if they are not tired. I obviously don't do this often (meaning lay them down when it's not actually nap time), but when I'm pregnant, I have been known to have 9:30 or 10am nap time around here :o) Babywise is really good for training your babies and toddlers to play in a pack n play, their room, or any area with boundaries. But again, that is where the training tool comes into play.

These are the few resources I can think of off the top of my head.

A couple of specific questions I've received...

I have an almost 5 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. Both boys. Our 2 1/2 has been a textbook two year old. When he is sweet, he is so sweet and loving, but we have had a long season of tantrums, things thrown in anger/frustration, hitting other children, going literally berserk at diaper changes, clothing changes, etc. I am that mom in grocery stores and the like who you both dread because I am there and pity. I have been consistent (mostly) with discipline to what seems like no avail. Truly, no improvement whatsoever. Is there any advice you could offer me? I completely broke down today in tears. I feel like I've tried everything. Thank you for your time :) (BTW- I am a Christian. My husband and I are very committed to training them up in godly instruction and Biblical discipline. Our family is filled with much love. We're just stressed and perplexed as to what to do.)

I will first say that the part of when he is sweet, he is so sweet and loving, but we have had a long season of.... describes Noah to a "t". He is such a sweetie. Absolutely adorable. But if you catch him in a grumpy mood, or move one of his carefully arranged (fill in the blank), you'd better watch out! So mom, I am in the boat with you!

My first response would be to ask if Mom and Dad are both on board with expectations and discipline methods. Two year olds are boundary testers. They want to know where the lines fall. Then, they will test the boundaries to see if they are rubber bands or more of say..., an electric fence type boundary :o) They really do find security and are more at peace when they know what to expect. I've seen this play out more and more with each child as they observe their older siblings actions. That being said, even when there are firm boundaries, each child is different and some of those twos will test that electric fence over and over and over and over and over....

Then, I would ask about spanking. Yes, the S word. I believe it is Biblical when done without anger and in love, with lots of hugs and kisses (and prayers), immediate forgiveness and restoration of fellowship. For a two year old, spankings are more of firm swats often done within the context of training sessions, but depending on the age (new twos are vastly different than almost threes), they will be used for discipline when there has been outright disobedience and/or rebellion. So I asked this mom about spanking...

Yes, we are OK with spanking. We don't use our hand, but rather another little "rod" of sorts for that. Even doing that though, my son will go into even greater hysterics- the heaving and sobbing kind. We can't even get to any kind of attitude change, or even a breakthrough in understanding that what he has done is wrong...

I understand the use of a rod, we do that as well when they are older, but when they are young, it is often more traumatic and removes the "right then and now association" if you have to retrieve a rod or paddle. We probably switch to a rod around the age of four when spankings are given as a result of direct disobedience. I use the term spanking in two ways. In the younger years, it is rarely an actual spanking, it is usually a stinging swat in order to train. As they grow older, it is more of what is commonly referred to as "spanking" in that it is given as a result of direct disobedience. That is when we use a rod/paddle. Make sense? Please don't think I'm saying the use of a rod in the younger years is wrong or that you should change the way you do things. I totally understand the concept of hands being used for love that a lot of parents lean toward, and I respect that. I'm just saying how we do things.

All I can do is answer as to what I would do in that situation. I wouldn't worry too much about attitude change other than them just learning to submit to your authority. They don't really have to understand why at that age, they are more in a training stage of learning what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. It is probably basic two year old defiance/boundary testing, and all they really need to understand is that the behaviour was not okay, there is a consequence, and mom or dad is going to win. It's more of a lesson in association with behaviour and consequence. As far as the hysterics, I will talk in a few minutes about trainging your child to be quiet on command or to at least cry quietly. If it were my child (and it has been, believe me!), as soon as the hysterics started, I would immediately switch to the training/discipline being targeted at the hysterics. Once they have regained their self control, I would hold firm in winning the first battle. This process can take a little while the first few times, but once they learn what is expected, it goes very quickly. I promise. I will also say, though, that sometimes the hysterics and sobbing just need good old fashioned comforting. Hold your position, but just empathize and comfort.

Another thing I would think of asking is if life has been out of order. Is there parental conflict, issues with an older sibling, a move, anything to cause insecurity? This mom sounds like her home is a loving, safe place and she is just dealing with a "very two" two year old, but these are just thoughts off the top of my head.

My specific responses to some of these issues are:

tantrums and things thrown in anger~ sounds to me like your typical communication issues. All of our kids have done this, particularly when they are frustrated at their inability to communicate. We laugh and walk away from tantrums. For throwing something in anger, I would probably say firmly, "No. We do not throw things.", give one firm swat that stings (not on a diaper, not through clothing. On the leg, or on the hand if he is wearing pants) and then try and help them figure out what they need or want.

hitting other children~ pretty much the same as above. It is usually done out of frustration and not meanness, but unacceptable, nonetheless. I would say "No, no. We do not hit people.", give the firm swat (probably two or maybe three) and remove them from the situation, but preferably leave them in view of the fun that may be going on. This will involve the mom quite possibly having to hold a very mad child firmly in her lap as long as it takes for he or she (the child, not the mom - ha ha) to calm down. If it happens in the context of play dates, you may need to explain to the other mom or moms upfront that you are training your child and that if it happens, to carry on as normal and just ignore the mad child. Depending on the age of the child, you could require an apology after he or she calms down.

going berserk at diaper/clothing changes~ we train (I promise I will explain) our children from pretty young to sit still when having his or her diaper changed. This involves a good natured smile and a sweet sounding "be still", coupled with yes, again, a swat that stings enough to cause an association with the action and pain. As this can be done from a pretty young age, we do not do it as punishment or discipline. It is approached from the viewpoint of associating an undesirable action with mild pain. The child doesn't see us as the bad guy because we're smiling and talking sweetly, he just learns that his leg hurts a little if he wiggles a lot during a diaper change. As far as changing clothes, it would probably be helpful to offer a couple of choices, but if it turns into a battle of the will, I'd just stick it out until I won. On a side note, and I will explain this in further detail as well, we do not let our children go berserk. We teach them how to be quiet and have self control over their emotions. It is really quite cool and I have to completely credit Glen with teaching me it was possible for a young child to master this skill.

That's just what my initial thoughts would be. I would advise spending some time reading at the Raising Godly Tomatoes site, the No Greater Joy books, and lots of cuddling and just following mom around learning to be helpful. Two year olds want Independence, and if you give it to them in appropriate, measured doses, they will not demand it so much at inopportune times. I would also recommend a toddler boot camp, kind of basic training. But trust me, we've all been the Mom In The Grocery Store :o)

I would also say, it is important to win. Every time. Especially if your child is in a testing the boundaries stage. I have several memories of literally sitting down in the floor, and (for example) saying "Put the block in the basket," and having the child refuse, getting a spank, and me repeating until they choose obedience. It sounds mean on the surface, but I am training for the long term. I'm concerned about first of all, their hearts, but also with the mindset that I'm raising adults. How much easier it will be for them to obey us as parents as they get older, future employers or others they are under, and most importantly obey God if they are literally "trained" in obedience from a young age.

Let me also add, to this mom in particular as she has been consistent and not seen much improvement, that sometimes, it just takes time, and really, it's hard, but it's really okay. You're not a bad mom, you're not doing something wrong, you're not failing your children, you're not ruining them, you're not failing God, it's not you. Sometimes you just have to cry out for mercy and breakthrough and wait for the maturity level to kick in. Chalk it up to the Holy Spirit doing His refining work in your character as you learn to persevere, trust/lean on/cling desperately to God, and practice kindness, gentleness, patience, and all those great fruits of the spirit that for me anyway, often seem to grow very slowly and fall off the tree right as I begin to think I'm the one doing the fruit growing :o)

"Hi Shyla, I just have a quick question. It is really hard for my husband and I to take our children to church. How do you do it with six? I know you like to keep your children in church with you, but how do you do it and not annoy or distract everyone around you? And are you able to actually get anything out of your worship time?"

Okay, for those of you that have actually sat behind/in front of/in view of my family or (gasp!) even on the same row with us at church, don't fall on the floor laughing or point and yell hypocrite :o) What I'm going to say is an ideal, a perfect Sunday, not something we've actually achieved to perfection.

First of all, we attend a very "grace oriented" church. Our roots go back to home church, graduating to a gym with a rug and little kids dancing all over the place and parents with strollers. It has grown to standing room only, and sadly, the rug is gone, but the attitude of grace toward children is still there. That being said, we highly value the example it sets for our children of just going. Every week. Unless we're sick. We don't wake up and say we don't feel like it (sometimes we don't), we're too tired (often we are, we do not have a good track record of night sleeping babies, you'll have to find advice about that somewhere else!), or it's too hard (it is hard, at first. It does get easier. But it's still not perfect.) Glen and I both grew up going to church every week, and we think it is important to not get the idea into our children's heads that how we feel is to be used as an excuse to not go. Because there is always an excuse :o) This is not legalism, this is loyalty, faithfulness, perseverance and habit forming.

Do we get a lot out of our worship time? Well, I get loads of snuggles. My kids are virtual monkeys on me. We are constantly picking up, passing off, switching babies, and I'm often found with two kids in my lap and two more leaning on either side. So yes, you could say I get something out of it :o) Spiritually? Yes, in bits and pieces. I am in a season where my life is about discipling and setting an example. I need to be getting spiritually fed in my own quiet time (which truthfully, is a struggle for me to prioritize) and not expecting it all to come from church. Although I do struggle with setting aside time every day, I am in constant communion with the Father and I do read my Bible, so I don't need my relationship to flow solely from "attending."

So do my kids act crazy? No. They do not. They move around a lot because there are a lot of them and they like to take turns with Glen and me, and they like to take turns holding the baby and entertaining him, but they have been trained in how to act. We don't let them have games, we do allow small toys for the younger ones. We don't let them hang over the back and watch/play with other children. Our older ones (mid-two on) are expected to sit forward. Our even older ones are expected to listen and follow along with the songs. This is accomplished through stated expectations and lots of reminders. We do try and train them from a young age (12ish months) to sit in our laps quietly, and this has to initially be done at home, usually at Bible story time. It is actually much easier than it sounds, and I feel it is highly valuable as it is a lesson in self control. We tell our children it is the one time of week that we set aside specifically for God as His time, and it is to be treated as a privilege and with respect.

"My son hates naptime. He used to be fine when it was time to lay down, but recently he's been getting out of his bed."

At this point, several people I can think of off the top of my head are thinking "that's me, I asked that question." Trust me, a lot of people ask me that question. Just so everyone knows, it happens to all of them. At least all of mine. For one thing, all my children have gone through cycles where they don't need naps for a week or two (we still require them, though), but then they fall back into the routine. Most of our children have outgrown them fully when they are around five. We still have quiet time for all ages as it is mostly so I can have quiet time. The older ones are allowed to play quietly.

Anyway, when our kids have done this, the first time we put them back in their bed and tell them it's time to go to sleep and not to get out of bed again. Some won't test the waters...yet. When they do, it becomes a battle that I have to win. They climb out, I spank them, lay them back down, tell them in no uncertain terms to not get out of bed again or they will get another spanking, and then leave. Some will cry, I then employ our "be quiet method," and help them regain self control, then I leave. If they get out of bed again, I repeat. Sometimes this will require sitting outside their bedroom door for the entire naptime until they give in. In my experience, our kids have had enough training by then to know we mean business and will only get out once, twice, maybe three times at the most. But if it's a new thing, be prepared to stick it out. Trust me, it's worth it!

Techniques~

To give credit where credit is due, pretty much all the techniques and methods I have I have learned through mainly the above mentioned resources or the moms on the MOMYS board. I do often (especially Monday mornings) ask God to just give me specific wisdom, discernment, insight, and practical answers for what I deal with in every child. Sometimes this comes in the form of divine revelation, sometimes through the Word (think Proverbs especially), but often it comes through resources, whatever they may be. Do they always work perfectly? Of course not. But they sure are helpful most of the time. If you try it and it fails, ask God to give you insight into what you need to do. And you know, sometimes it's a stage. It's just a process of growing up. And truthfully, I'm usually learning just as much, if not more, than my child. The Holy Spirit OFTEN uses my children as a mirror.

Routine~ For all kids, of all ages, this is key. They know what to expect and when to expect it. My kids don't fight naptime or jobs (for the most part) because they know it's just what we do. Job time is job time. School time is school time. Quiet time is quiet time. Period. The little ones don't question it because the big ones don't :o)

Tomato Staking~ Glen is actually the master at this, but he couldn't even tell you the term. It's really just keeping your kids with you in whatever you are doing. It is particularly helpful to bring someone back in line when they are testing the waters. It fosters fellowship and helpfulness and gives a sense of responsibility and being needed to the little ones, but can also be effectively utilized as a consequence or discipline for the older ones. For the little ones it's a fun privilege to do laundry, help with dinner, etc. and for the older ones it's a loss of freedom and independence if things are out of whack. It also builds fellowship between parents and older kids too if it's done in the spirit of just hanging out together and enjoying one anothers company and not being utilized as a discipline technique. Did that make sense?

Training~ This is the big one and the best one in my opinion. It can start very, very early. Definitely before the age of one. It is exactly what it sounds like. It happens in the safety and context of home. We teach them at home so that when we're in public, they already know how to respond. There are different guidelines, boundaries, and methods depending on the age of the child and the situation, but here is some of what we do in a nutshell.

1. Basic Training/Boot Camp: We initially do this with our babies and it is done as explained earlier. Not as a punishment, it is purely training. It is often done proactively. When we see the need arise (think plates getting pulled off the table, a coffee table with breakable things, a hot fireplace), we have training sessions. We set the child down with a desirable object within reach and we tell them to not touch. When they do, we spank their hand. Some people pull hair (gently) or thump the back of their head so that it's done out of sight. Kind of like I mentioned before in learning to associate pain with the action. We just spank their hand because we want them to learn the consequence of disobedience comes from mom and dad. We repeat until they master self control and choose to occupy themselves otherwise. We do it enough that they learn and understand what no means and what is expected. Usually it is said in a very happy voice, and we say "No, no, that's not for Haven. Don't touch!" Eventually, you can just say, "No, no, that's not for Haven, and they will obey." Obviously you wouldn't say Haven :o) You do have to do it often and repeat when necessary. (Teaching them to come when you call them falls under this category and I know parents that once their mobile infants are old enough to comprehend (this is key to a lot of things, gauge your child, we definitely don't want to discipline, etc. for something they can't comprehend!) they train them to come when called. We've not really done this much, although we do expect it when they are older.) Basic training/Boot camp needs to be repeated all throughout toddler hood, it will just evolve with the age of the child.

2. Blanket Training: I love this. I remember taking Anna to a party when she was a baby, laying out a blanket, showing her the boundaries, giving her a small swat once or twice when she tried to crawl off, but after that, she played happily and contentedly on the blanket for the rest of the party. Everyone was amazed. This can be done within the boundaries of a rug, a blanket, a room, etc. And it does not produce a miserable child sitting there sullenly, it allows them to master self control and learn to use their imagination and/or play happily with the toys and books provided. This is a wonderful tool for homeschooling moms as well.

3.Training to be quiet: This is another great thing that I credit Glen with. It is what most people don't think a small child can master and the idea doesn't even occur to them. It is what is most helpful in church or in public. We train our children to either be completely quiet, or cry quietly. When one of our children is angry after being told no or something along those lines, meaning they are crying out of anger, frustration, defiance, or rebellion, we teach them to stop. We say, "Be quiet." And we cover their mouth (not their nose!). We do not by any means prevent them from breathing, we just muffle the sound so that they understand what we mean. We then remove our hand. When they cry loudly again (they will, remember, they are learning how to gain self control and be quiet), we will spank their leg, say "be quiet," and cover their mouth again (same as before, not covering their nose or hindering breathing). You just have to repeat it unti they learn. They will. And it actually happens pretty quickly.

Here is an example of when this come in handy: Noah sees someone in church with a snack and wants some. Oh yeah, we don't do snack in church, not even for our little ones. Well, the baby is okay, but not two and up. We just take a snack in the car and then they get snack again in class, occasionally we will take apples or little bagels, but nothing involving baggies, cups, or pieces like goldfish or cheerios...but that's just us, you probably think we're really mean by now anyway :o) Okay, so he gets mad, begins to throw a fit and protest loudly. I'll hold him on my lap and tell him to be quiet. He immediately (okay, well sometimes I have to say it two or even three times...in the spirit of honesty and full disclosure) closes his mouth and holds in his cry. He knows how to be quiet and/or cry quietly. If he doesn't listen the first time I say it, I'll give him a small reminder swat to let him know I mean business, and he then masters self control. It really is amazing how well it works. It's great for those store tantrums!

Well, it is really, really late and I've been working on this all night. If I think of anything else I'll add to it later. Basically, most kids respond really well to non-negotiable boundaries. It's when Mom and Dad are too busy, too tired, too frustrated, etc. to enforce the boundaries that little people get out of control. I am just as guilty as anyone in this, my kids are not perfect, I am far from perfect. They're pretty good though, we get compliments mostly everywhere we go, and for that, I am extremely thankful. I will say that none of my children have been exceptionally challenging. None of them have any serious issues. I never want to make anyone feel that they are a failure! Some children are more challenging than others, this is just what has worked for us. I know it sounds like we spend a lot of time swatting and spanking, but truthfully, we don't. There is some at the outset of training, and the reminders, but once the expectations are laid out and the lines are drawn, it really makes for a happy, peaceful home. We have lots of fun together. Are there challenges? Absolutely! Loads! This has actually been a really good brain jog for me as we've gotton a lot more lax with the latter children. That probably explains why Noah is our "most two" two year old. I can think of several "boot camp" and tomato staking situations that need to be made a priority around here, and I've got to listen to the Danny Silk stuff again so that Anna and I can stop trying to out-control one another. Maybe someone could hold me accountable to that? Any takers?

Also, for me as a homeschooling mom, it is well worth it to take some days off school when needed to deal with discipline issues and have boot camp. If you're spending a lot of time re-acting to your kids, that's usually a big sign you need a boot camp and is time well spent. I've also learned that when I am spending a lot of time being angry and frustrated at particular behaviours, those are the issues I need to specifically focus on and put energy into changing. That same energy I'm putting into being frustrated needs to be redirected into proactively training my children and changing their behaviour.

So, anyone, please feel free to comment and add to these ideas. What has worked for you? What are some alternatives? Any questions? Other ideas? I would love to get a little discussion going and am always up for learning new tools and getting fresh ideas and perspective.

Good Night.

quick update on glen~

Just a quick update...

We should find out for sure on Monday, but at this point, the doctor strongly suspects that Glen has Celiac Disease. It is an autoimmune digestive disease that damages the small intestine in response to ingesting gluten.

While this would necessitate a huge change in eating habits and dietary lifestyle, I am supremely thankful that this is all it is. I didn't realize how stressed out I was getting about the whole thing, but I can tell you there are 7 other people in this house that are probably breathing a sigh of relief that I am not on edge anymore :o) Everyone was hiding from me last night!

Thanks again for your prayers, I really, really appreciate them. So does everyone else around here :o)

thanks for the prayers~

So I feel like a total dunce. Here I've been thinking, wow, either no one in the entire world actually reads this, or I totally freaked everyone out and nobody knows what to say to me. Something apparently happened with my blogger settings as I've not been getting email updates to comments left, and here I've been thinking no one knew what to say to me about Glen. So today I actually scrolled down and realized several of you guys have left me encouraging comments! So I just wanted to say thanks!

Julie, your comment was very encouraging, and I definitely remember visiting with you at Chris' wedding reception. I found your blog through Conversations with Judah awhile back, and actually just checked it the other day...so you'll have to update soon :o)

So anyway, you all are actually my real friends :o) just kidding....
Thanks so much for the prayers. All this has just come back up for me again today, actually, as I'm taking Glen tomorrow morning for the tests, and I'll be sure to update as soon as I know anything.

lose 30 pounds in 30 days...guaranteed!

...all you have to do is have an unidentified digestive problem that prevents you from eating and/or holding down any food or liquid for days on end....and....wa la! Instant weight loss.

Actually, it's not really very funny at all, and I've spent too much wasted time worrying about what may or may not actually be wrong with my husband, so I'm not going to devote much more time here. In a nutshell, Glen has always had a weak digestive system. He's always been quite susceptible to stomach stuff. Since Thanksgiving, though, he has had this (as yet) unidentified problem that runs in cycles. We've thought detoxing (he had recently changed his diet for the better right before the onset), food poisoning (realized the odds of that happening so many times in so many weeks...probably not), stomach bug (hmmm...odds are slim that only he would catch it...over and over and over), ibs (symptoms don't really fit), chrone's disease (again, symptoms don't totally fit), to what I tend to think the problem is. Giardia. One little word. Life, as we know it, comes to a stand still. Think one day feeling totally fine, next minute, the onset of symptoms you know is the beginning of what you hope is only a day or so of feeling miserable beyond words. I will you spare you the details (google it if you are so inclined...be warned), but suffice it to say that it's bad. What makes it really hard, though, is finding a doctor that will actually listen and try and find out what's wrong, not just try and give you a pill to alleviate the symptoms. Don't get me wrong, I very much want my sweet husband to feel better, but even more, I desperately want to find out what is wrong with him, causes him to not be able to drink even a small cup of water without vomiting or going to the bathroom all night long, unable to eat anything for days, hardly able to walk for weakness, and caused him to lose close to 30 pounds basically since Christmas. It started out him only feeling bad for a day or so here or there, then fine for awhile. But this last episode has had him sick since last Saturday. He was finally more normal last night, although he did throw up again a little this morning. Anyway. He's feeling better now.

So...giardia. Traveller's sickness. It's actually quite common, a lot of people get it and don't even know that they have it and their body takes care of on its own, but for some reason (weakened digestive immunity?) some people are floored with it. The reason I tend to think that's his problem is two fold. The first being that he went to see a lady that does electro-dermal screening and that's what popped up on her findings. We'd never heard of it before and up until that point had been baffled. I looked it up online and the symptoms fit exactly. She wanted to treat it herbally. Okay....if he could actually keep anything down and we had time to do it that way. Treating it that way can take awhile. Plus, a good friend of mine who is very into herbs and treating things naturally said that is not really the way to deal with a parasite. Parasites are stubborn and evil and you don't want to be easy on them. Kill them and kill them fast....before they wipe you out, basically. I'm all for natural as well, until my husband is literally shriveling before my eyes. I say bring on the meds. (For all you natural healing types out there, we did try the herbal thing briefly, but quickly realized he needed treatment fast. He has been on a probiotic with immune building stuff added in for a few weeks now.)

So, visit to the family doctor. A round of flagyl. Glen is feeling better...yay! For a little while. Then it came raging back, twice as strong. This last bout has been the worst by far. (The guy is amazing, though, he has still managed most days to get out long enough to deal with his jobs, in between napping in his van and knowing where the nearest bathroom is at all times (sorry...too much information). He also stays in a sweet mood toward me and keeps a great sense of humor with the all of us...even if it is from the couch.) Okay, he calls the doctor back, they say "hmmm...maybe ibs. I say no, my research tells me probably not ibs, probably giardia as again, this is how it effects some people." Well, they don't really want to deal with it. I actually really like this doctor, but he's a family doctor, not a GI doctor, and I think they just don't really know what to do.

So, the GI doctor is finally able to see him yesterday. By this point Glen is finally feeling quite a bit better. The GI doctor doesn't think it's giardia. He says it should have shown up on their testing (my research says it is notoriously hard to test positive for, but the dr says he has a newer test that's accurate), and the flagyl should have taken care of it (my research says for some people that is definitely not the case, it takes more than one round of meds, and this stubborn parasite can actually live outside the body for a long time, so it is easy to reinfect...but whatever, he's the doctor). Fast forward to March 4 (praying he won't get sick again before then) when Glen gets to go for some oh-so-fun testing. Yuck.

Now, before you all begin to run when you see us coming, none of the rest of us have whatever this mystery is, so it's not really contagious. And trust me, in a family of 8, if someone has something contagious, someone else will get it. And, in all honesty, it could be ibs or something like that. Hopefully, prayerfully, the testing will show us what the deal is and how to help him feel better. We just want it gone. He cannot afford to lose anymore weight, actually. His pants literally fall off of him. His hips can't even hold them up, they will slide right off if he doesn't wear a belt :o) So, for whoever may read this...if you will please pray for him and that his doctor will find the problem and that it will be gone.

And one other prayer, the secret one that has really been mostly unspoken in my mind, although I have mentioned it on occassion to Glen, but I don't think he realizes how it's kept me up at night this week when I'm nursing the little boys or been lying awake listening to him in the bathroom...I have always been scared of this year. Glen's dad died of cancer when Glen was 7, and I have always had this little thought in the back of my mind that something would happen to Glen when Caleb, our oldest son was 7. I've never dwelled on it, or believed it, but it's been a little nagging thought. I've been able to keep it at bay even through the last few months, but this week...well, I've been bothered by it. We had a neighbor a few years ago, that began to get mysteriously sick, slightly, very slightly similar symptoms to Glen, and by the time they finally opened her up to find out was wrong, she was so full of cancer that that she died the following week. Now, I don't believe that is what is wrong with Glen, I don't accept it, I'm not speaking it over him or any of that stuff, I just want to know what's wrong with him and fix it. And I want a doctor that will listen to us, talk with us, and figure it out.

So anyway, prayers would be much, much appreciated. And I plan to enjoy a nice night with my husband tonight and have a fabulous time giving my sweet sister her very first baby shower on Sunday!

Updated to add...it's just celiac!  Ha ha, just.  But seriously, compared to not knowing, it's no.big.deal.  Thank you, Jesus!