for your saturday reading pleasure~

Here are some more links that I think are definitely worth reading...

Holy Habits

A weighty post that once again reminds us that what we do is important. Immensely. And there's a lot more to it than math facts, cooking, and tying shoes; yet life and relationship are tied up in those every day things.
An excerpt... "They say a mother wears an apron and a myriad of hats. I say she wears a collar too. A collar which can never be removed. A collar which cannot be observed by the material world: a clerical collar. For she is a priest in her home, before a congregation of children. ...While a mother continually changes her hats throughout the hours of the day, her collar remains: she is a priest proclaiming Christ’s glories. She cares for souls."


Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling: Exposing the 7 Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers

Unfortunately, I have been guilty of some of these far too often. An excellent read, I'm printing this one out. Vital for parents who want to keep their children's hearts.


Shelter Is Not A Place. It's a Relationship.

On sheltering our kids in the real world.
Another excerpt... "Shelter is not a place. It's a relationship. Although we need to be wise about keeping our kids safe (let's not be simplistic here), sheltering our kids from every potential evil is impossible. The world is corrupt. Hey, the youth group is corrupt!

I would love to withdraw my family from society and keep them from having to face the messiness of navigating relationships in a fallen world. But that’s just not feasible. Maybe not even desirable. Besides, we have enough sin nature between all seven of us, they’d still get to see plenty of corruption!

Instead, we want to make sure our home is the safe place, the most comforting sanctuary on earth, where our kids are guaranteed acceptance, affection and genuine love. Our relationship with our kids should be a reflection of God's relationship with us - overflowing with grace and forgiveness.

And while we’re doing that, we're introducing them to Jesus, and we’re walking along side them, showing them how to “do life” with Christ at the helm.

We don’t have to know all the answers, and heaven forbid we should try to appear perfect. I fail daily, and have to ask my kids’ forgiveness all the time. But we feel strongly that the more spiritually arrogant we are, and the more we try to hide our flaws, the more likely our kids will become disillusioned with God later on.

I thought all of these were excellent reads and will be keeping them close by. Let me know what you think.

Happy Saturday!

(and Stacey, let me know when you have your baby!!)

worth your time(otherwise known as i really need to clear out my tabs)~

I do this all the time. Click, "Whoa, that looks like it might take some time, I'll come back," or "I really should share that." Over and over until I have more tabs open than can fit across the top.

So, without further ado, here are some various things I've enjoyed, thought about, and think just might be worth your time.

The Temptation of Laziness

Something I struggle with daily. I've got a post on this in the works.

How I Found God's Will In A Sink Full of Dirty Dishes

On finding purpose and sanctification in mothering.

Sticks In Jars

A job/chore method that I am seriously considering trying out. For small or large families.

Tips for Surviving (and thriving!) in the Toddler Phase

From a mom of four in five years. Excellent, excellent post. So well said. I wish I'd written it myself. And not just practical tips, more toward emotional and spiritual thriving!

From Joyful Chaos

A mom of ten talks about life with her first baby and learning to mother in the way that works for her family. The more children I have, the more I value doing what works for us and ignoring what everyone else "says" we should be doing. Life is so much easier now than it was in the years with just one or two. This is not a "you should practice attachment parenting" post or recommendation from me, we are actually a good mix of attachment and scheduling. It just really struck a chord with me as Grace is such a peaceful and content baby, and I really feel that aside from the grace of God (which it is!), it is also because I've learned some things about giving her what she needs. This is the first in a series of posts. I've not actually read the rest of them yet.

Why Would You Want All Those Kids?

From a mother of fourteen on the eve of giving birth yet again. I loved this. Whether you have one child or fifteen, this will bless and encourage you. While short, and she's talking at first just about real life, toward the end she reflects on her relationships with her children and she puts it, getting ready to begin another love affair with a new baby. It gets sweeter each time. That I have learned.

I had some more, but as usual, lost them to little hands :o)

Happy Saturday!

late night reflections on grace(on being thankful)~

I sit here typing with aching shoulder and two hands recently freed from holding a tired baby. My foot is bouncing up and down in an effort to lull my tiny one into dreamland. As I was holding her, wishing she would settle down so I could get back to what I was wanting to do, I looked down at her soft head snuggled in the crook of my arm, knowing all too well how soon it will pass (I've walked this road before), and once again, my heart melted. How blessed am I.

My days are filled with busy children, tired babies, dishes to wash, meals to prepare, laundry to fold, toys to pick up, schoolwork to grade, messes to wipe up, bodies to scrub, arguments to settle, and life lessons to teach. Yet through the busyness and never ending list of things to do and do again, the Father has shown me how profoundly blessed am I.

It's not easy, and it's not always fun. But what I'm doing here matters. It matters very much to seven little people whose lives would be very different if I followed the path the world often deems the more valuable one. That knowledge that He, the One who created each of those little people, would show me His way and turn my heart toward theirs, allowing me the privilege to point them to the Lover of Their Souls...how blessed am I.

I could have missed it. One different decision, be it made in selfishness or ignorance, and the course of our lives would have been different. But when we, Glen and I, started on this journey together, we vocally, together, committed our way to Him, asking and trusting Him to direct our path. We had no idea that we would be entrusted with seven souls to guide and point to the Father. To shepherd and disciple. The gravity of that is more than I can wrap my mind around, much less work out in my own strength; so I daily go to Him, trusting that He who began this good work will carry it on to completion. That His grace is sufficient and in my weakness, He can shine. His power can be made perfect. I can rest in knowing it's all Him. How blessed am I.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you,
so that in all things at all times,
having all that you need,
you will abound in every good work.

As it is written:
"He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever."

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food
will also supply and increase your store of seed
and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness."

2 Corinthians 9:8-10
(my current life verse)

I've been learning about strength. The Father's verses mine. I am finding peace and joy in the realization that when I let it be all about Him that He can be glorified in my mothering.. For when it's done in His strength, according to His plan for my days, I do a much better job than when it's all about me. And I've been living it these past weeks. I've had a taste. When my help went home and real life returned after Grace was born, I had a choice: get overwhelmed, discouraged, and even angry at all I needed to start doing again, or be thankful. Choosing to see not the diapers and dirty floors, but the great honor and privilege I have in being a mother. A mother that is there. And embracing all that it encompasses. Not every mother has that privilege, and not every mother realizes what a gift it truly is. And I have both; circumstances that allow me to stay home, and the truth in my heart that it's the most important thing I can do with my life. And I am finding joy. Unfortunately, I have not always loved to stay home, and I have not always loved being around my children so much. But He has brought me far, taught me much, spoken to my spirit, and worked in my heart. How blessed am I.

May you be blessed,

as I have been.

some popular questions regarding the birth control debate~

These are some clear, thought-provoking, and very concise answers to several popular questions that come from Christians regarding the birth control debate. They are by no means exhaustive, but quick answers to several questions and/or thoughts many people have. They come from a mother of 8 and several of her children have been added to their family through adoption. Take a minute to read a few of them, and let me know what you think.

The Christian's Duty to Love Children (this is the longest of the posts, but still only takes a minute)

Is Birth Control Consistent With the Truth That Children Are A Gift From the Lord?

Does the Bible Say We Must Have A Certain Number of Children, Especially Concerning Having Many Children?

Can Something Be Right For One and Not Be Right For Another, Particularly Concerning Family Planning?

If A Couple Prays and God Gives Them Peace to Use Birth Control, Are They In God's Will?

If God Wants Us to Have A Child, Won't He Make A Way For It Whether We Are Taking Precautions or Not?

Are Christians Really Outnumbering Non-Christians by Believing Children Are A Blessing?

I was reading in Psalms the other night before going to bed, and I came upon Psalm 128. I have heard it and read it myself many times, but this time it just stood out a little differently.

"Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways.

(me: how shall these people be blessed?)

*You will eat the fruit of your labor;

*Blessings and prosperity shall be yours.

*Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;

*Your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.

Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord."

~Psalm 128:1-4~

I wasn't looking for scripture in relation to having children, birth control, etc. I was just reading. It just stood out to me this time that "this is how the man who fears the Lord will be blessed."

I am by no means saying if you are not living in the complete fulfillment of these blessings that you must not fear the Lord or be walking in His ways, I'm just saying that it seems like God is saying that these are some of the ways he BLESSES US when we do fear Him and follow Him and that the above listed things ARE blessings. I don't think anyone would argue with the first two; a fruitful wife can be fruitful in many ways (though here it does seem to imply fertility;) but not many these days seem to want a table full of sons.

Not to open a can of worms or anything. I can easily see both sides of the debate, and while I have very strong "quiverfull" tendencies, I am not officially 100% in agreement that all birth control is wrong, all the time. (Yes, I know not everyone who is quiverfull believes it's 100% wrong all the time either.) The whole thing is challenging for me as well sometimes, no....often, especially at the end of this pregnancy. It definitely gave me pause, and food for thought.

I'd love to hear your thoughts as well...

the s word~

**I've recently realized that some of my friends read these notes on Facebook. I just wanted to say really quick, that I'm not sure if you can tell through the format on Facebook, but I actually write these notes on my blog, and they post on FB as well. Sometimes the formatting comes through differently on FB, so if something looks funny, or if you just want to see the blog, the link is somewhere under my wall, or profile, or somewhere :o)

So anyway, back to the s word. Not stupid, or shutup, or especially not that other one. Those are all no, nos around here. I'm talking about him. About Santa. Now, before you remember my "halloween is evil" post and choose to read no further, hear me out. In the interest of full disclosure, I will say up front that we do not "do" Santa. But I'm not going to go completely all "Santa is evil and you're not a real Christian if you tell your kids about him" on you, so give me a few minutes. And of course I would love to hear your thoughts, so leave me a comment.

This is one of the questions I was recently asked, and I actually get asked a couple of times every year.

"Quick question. What's your take on Santa? Do y'all "do" Santa? I know you had strong feeling about halloween (understandably) so I just wondered what you thought about Santa. Just curious :)"

Good question, I'm so glad you asked ;o)

So no, we do not tell our children that Santa is real. There are really a lot of reasons why we made this decision, and this was actually one of the things we discussed before we had children. Both of us agreed we would not teach our children that Santa was real and there were basically two reasons.

First of all, Glen grew up in a home where they didn't "do" Santa. I've never actually asked his Mom why, so I'm not sure if it was because of religious/spiritual convictions, or if it was because his father was seriously ill throughout much of his childhood, causing finances to be very tight. His Dad then died when he was seven, and many years, their only Christmas came through church or friends.

My experience had been the opposite. Santa was HUGE in our house. Huge. We also lived next door to my grandmother, two great aunts, and my aunt, none of whom were married and all of whom worked. They all lived together so had lots of disposable income, as well as lots of credit cards. So we had family gifts on Christmas Eve, and Santa gifts on Christmas morning. Both times the living room was so full of presents for me and my two sisters that there was just enough room to sit and that was it. It was ridiculous. My family went out of their way to convince us he was real. We had be asleep by midnight, or (gasp!) he might not come! I was the last kid I knew to still believe in Santa. I vividly remember thinking surely my parents would not lie to me, so even though all my friends said he wasn't real, I still believed. Of course my parents always said Christmas was about Jesus, but that's not what it looked like it was about to me. It was all about him. And then, once we were older, my parents tried to incorporate Advent and actually make Jesus' coming to earth for us an integral part of our celebration, my sisters and I wanted no part of it. Advent devotionals were boring when you could be looking through catalogs and making Christmas lists.

So that's where we started. Of course, my family was not happy. They still think we've gone off the deep end, but that really comes from our lifestyle choices in general, the Santa thing just being one of many ways we are weird. And now that my sister has a baby, we are under strict orders that no one is to tell her the truth. The truth? Saying it that way sounds almost convicting, doesn't it? I'm not picking on my sister or anyone else.
We are one of very few families we know that don't do Santa, and I completely understand and respect her and her husband's desire to make Santa a fun part of Christmas for their family, so I have no intention of undermining them, or anyone else's children either. Our kids know that they are pretty much the only ones that know that know the truth, and have done a pretty good job and just keeping their lips sealed when the Santa topic comes up.

As we've grown and learned and read, we've come to a much deeper conviction regarding Santa than we started out with. My experience with Santa worship fun in Christmas would probably not have been enough to leave us with a lasting conviction to leave him out. After all, we could choose to not make receiving gifts such a huge part of Christmas, we could do it smaller. So why make the decision to yet another thing different from everyone around us? I mean, it's so much fun. Shouldn't we just lighten up? Is it really necessary to deprive our children of this childhood right? It's not a big deal. Really.

Really?
Humor me while I share a few thoughts.

First of all, what is our ultimate goal in raising our children? That they would love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, right? That they would trust Jesus to be their Savior. So every decision we make should really be viewed in light of this goal.

So how does Santa fit in?
He's just a fun tradition that really only comes up for a month or two out of each year.
Right?

In order for us to teach and disciple our children, we need to have their hearts. They need to trust us. Completely. I've never been one to put a lot of stock in the argument that our children will not trust us that Jesus is real if they find out we've lied about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc. but I've heard enough reports from other parents to know that for some kids this is a real issue. I would think that if you are raising your children in an environment that makes Jesus the center of life in general, where it really is all about Him, that your children would see the difference. But it is something to think about.

So what next? I'm not going to get into the arguments Christmas being a pagan holiday. Truthfully, I've not researched it a lot, but I have done enough investigating that you can pretty much find persuasive arguments to support both sides of the controversy. I'm not discussing Christmas, just Santa. So here is some of what I've learned.

Have you ever taken the time to consider the similarities between Jesus and Santa, yet the different messages each story sends?

1. We teach our children that Santa is always watching, to see if they are bad or good. Do you want your children living to please the Lord, or being good so they can get presents? Do you want your children to be taught that Santa is all seeing, and all knowing, just like God, but later have to tell them, "Well, you know, Santa doesn't really do those things, but you should still believe that God does?"

2. With Santa, we teach them that through their behavior, they can "earn" rewards. But they better not cry, or pout, or too bad for them. I want my children to know they can never earn the reward of eternal life, they can never be good enough on their own. I want them to know that every good gift comes from the Father of Lights, and it is his gift of grace to us. We cannot be "good" enough. And again, do I want them to learn to choose obedience (goodness) because they are trying to earn a reward, or do I want it to come out of love for what Jesus did for them?

3. Did you know that Kriss Kringle is German for "little Christ Child?" Hmmm. Which leads me to make another point.

4. In teaching our children about Santa, we are essentially teaching the a gospel entirely different than the true gospel. What is the gospel? The Good News! That Jesus died that we might receive the ultimate gift, the undeserved gift of forgiveness of sins and eternal life. When we teach our children about Santa, are we not teaching an opposite gospel? That we will receive good gifts based on *our* ability to be good? We are teaching them that they can earn their gifts and that when they receive them, it must be because they have earned them and that they deserve them.

Galatians 1: 6-11...

"I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel - which is really no gospel at all. Evidently, some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally comdemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up."

It is no secret that Satan has taken hold of so many things that were meant for good and perverted them to draw attention away from the Father and draw men's hearts away from the Lord. Not to get too "conspiracy theory" on you, but it is a valid point. I really believe Satan has found much pleasure in making the focus of Christmas on self, stuff, consumerism, you name it. And I believe that He takes particular delight when the foundational years of our children are spent teaching them a myth, causing the focus to be on gimme, gimme, gimme, when we could instill in them a thankfulness and awe toward what it really meant for God to become man and dwell among us. Even in our home, where our children don't believe in Santa but gifts are still given, from us and extended family, it is nearly impossible to really give the Lord the honor and thankfulness He deserves. I am not blaming children for being excited, it is certainly normal for them to be excited over presents, but long term, we feel that any spotlight that could have been given to Jesus is overwhelming stolen by Santa.

Our God is a jealous God. In Exodus 34:14 , God calls Himself by the actual name "Jealous." He does not want His glory usurped by another. If I teach my children to believe in Santa and all his magic, in all of his god-like qualities, am I not giving my God, my Savior's glory to another?

I truly believe Satan, in his efforts to "become like the Most High" (Isaiah 14:12-14) he has created Santa and caused the majority of the world to celebrate him, in one form or another. Whether it be St Nick (yes, I know the history of this and have taught it to the children), Kriss Kringle, or good ol Santa Claus.

If you don't believe Satan has set himself (in the idol of Santa) to be like the Most High, this numerous list of similarities will surprise you...

God the Father has hair like white wool (Revelation 1:14)

God the Father has a beard (Isaiah 50:6)

Jesus will come in a red garment (Isaiah 63:1-2)

The hour of His coming is a mystery

God comes from the North where He lives (Ezekiel 1:4, Psalm 48:2)

Jesus was a carpenter, Santa is a toy carpenter

Jesus will come just like a thief in the night, Santa comes like a thief in the night

God is omnipotent (all powerful - Revelation 19:6), Santa is all powerful, He can fly around the world and visit every single home in one night, delivering gifts to every single child (as long as their parents can afford it)

God is omnipresent (Psalm 139:7-10, Ephesians 4:6, John 3:13), Santa can see and hear everything as well.

God is omniscient (knows all - Hebrews 4:13, I John 3:20), Santa knows if you've been bad or good

God is ageless and eternal (Revelation 1:8, 21:6), Santa lives forever

God is a Giver of Gifts (Ephesians 4:8)

God sits on a throne, Santa sits on a throne when our children come before him

We are to boldly go before the throne of grace for our requests (Hebrews 4:16), children are told to boldly approach Santa on his throne to present their requests.

God commands children to obey their parents, so does Santa

Jesus wants the little children to come to him (Mark 10:14), Santa (and parents) tell the little children to come to him.

God judges, Santa judges whether children have been good or bad.

God is the Everlasting Father, Santa calls himself Father Christmas

Jesus is the Christ Child, Santa calls himself Kriss Kringle (Christ child)

God is worthy of our prayers and worship, in some countries, children are taught to pray to St. Nick/Nicholas

God is the Lord of Hosts, Santa is lord over a host of elves (and in Druidic religion, elves are demons)

God says, "Ho, ho" (Zechariah 2:6, really, look it upin the KJV)

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and the Image of God, Santa is a symbol of world peace and the image of the Christmas holiday.

Jesus said, "Ask, and it shall be given to you." Does Santa not say the same thing?

(credit goes to Hampshire View Baptist Deaf Church for most of this list.)

Amazing, huh? I can't help but read these and be amazed at how blatantly Satan has tried to masquerade as an angel of light, to pull the wool over our eyes, to set himself up as God in the hearts of our children. All while convincing the Church, God's people, that it's all in good fun. I know it's unpopular to not teach your children to believe in Santa, but as Christians we are expressly called to be in the world but not of it. That means doing unpopular things and taking unpopular stances sometimes. I don't want to take away fun from my children, I just view it in light of teaching them to always, always, set Christ up in their hearts as Lord. For Him to be first. For there to be no other, and for all competition to be recognized and dealt with.

Think about your experience with Santa vs your experience with God as a child. For most of us, Santa was jolly good fun, a great alternative to God, who was very powerful and kind of scary. And not only were they both watching to see if you are bad or good, but God might squash you if you are bad. (Do you not think Satan takes great delight in this?)

For a really good, in depth study, check out Santa Claus: The Great Imposter.

Another thing I think about, unrelated to faith, is the disparity between what children receive. How does little Johnny feel when his friend gets everything on his list, but all his Mom can afford Santa gives him is one or two small toys and a sweater?

It is so much not my heart to condemn, criticize, or point fingers. I hope you know that. It is my heart that we as mothers teach our children to love the Lord first of all, and most of all, and that you would be encouraged to follow the Lord even when it's hard, even when it goes against culture. Especially when it goes against the world, for that is when it is usually vital. When it really matters.

In closing, let me ask you, are you resisting this idea? Justifying it? Rationalizing it? Calling it "condemnation" so that's a good enough reason to say it's not from God? Did it make you mad? Frustrated? Do you feel judged? (Please don't feel like I'm judging you!) But if you have felt any of these things, take a minute to ask yourself why. Actually stop for a minute, and figure out why. Now, is that a good reason to throw it out without even considering it, praying about it, and talking with your husband about it? Are you willing to really listen to what God might want you to do, should He possibly be asking you to reconsider the idea of teaching your children about Santa? All I ask is that you be willing to listen to Him if He is trying to tell you something. That's all.

Here are a few Scripture to give you something to consider the Santa thing in light of...

"You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." Mark 7:8

And He said to them, "You have a fine way of setting aside the command of God in order to observe your own traditions." Mark 7:9

Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that. Mark 7:13

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human traditions and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. Colossians 2:8

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form..." Colossians 2:9

So in our house, this is what Christmas looks like. We do a Jesse Tree. This teaches our kids a different Name of God, attribute of God, or sometimes a Bible story that points to Jesus a the Savior every day from 1 Dec to Christmas Day. They learn that Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega, that God using Noah was a picture of how He would one day send Jesus, why Jesus is said to come from the root of Jesse, and lots of other things. That link can explain it and they even sell the supplies if you're interested.

We keep December simple. We don't do lots of parties or outside activities. We want to be able to enjoy the Advent season, and when we are overwhelmed and consumed by outside things, the month becomes overloaded, frantic, and just plain too busy to be able to focus on Emmanuel, God With Us. God With Us. Wow.

On Christmas Eve, we get together with my family and exchange gifts. Until this year, our children were the only children on my side of the family, with lots of aunts, uncles, and grandparents waiting eagerly to lavish our deprived precious children with junk gifts. This year they have a new little cousin, and really, I would be thrilled if maybe all the gifts could go to her instead ;o) Keep in mind, these are the same family members that overloaded my sisters and me, Two, even three gifts per child would make me happy. Absolutely thrilled. We're talking at least twenty gifts per child, no joke. Times six kids. Times however many parts and pieces each gift has. If you don't hear from me until February, someone come rescue me because I am probably suffocating under a large pile of toys. I am thankful, but this is excessive. Now you know what we're up against.

Anyway, at some point, we get together with Glen's family, and we will also go to Kentucky where all my Dad's family lives. Christmas morning is just us, and each one of our kids gets a couple of small, fun gifts in their stocking, and we usually try and get to be the ones that give them the one thing they are *really* wanting.

So as you can see, they are anything but deprived. Even without Santa, it is an uphill battle to keep the focus on Jesus. I am just trusting the Lord to see our hearts and that He is big enough to work out the rest. His grace. Always.

halloween anyone?~

I'm sorry for all the recent "in your face posts." I imagine that if some of you weren't my real life friends, you probably would have quit reading by now :o) Hopefully this (and the following) won't push you over the edge. I have every intention of getting back to real life in the near future. You see, I have this rebellious streak (Sometime remind me to tell the story of how the Lord literally caused my nose ring to disappear. I really liked my nose ring, but I knew that for me it was a rebellion thing. Another story, another day.) Anyway, the Lord has been dealing with me about it, well, really since I was about fourteen, but lately, I've been having to purge some stuff, so I think my frustration is manifesting in a rebellious, in your face kind of attitude. Sometimes, anyway. So, I just want to apologize if my tone has been *off* some lately. I do believe what I write, and some I write for myself, some I feel that I should, and sometimes I'm just venting. I'm not apologizing for what I believe, but I am sorry if I've come across in a not-so-Christian way.

That said, I think I may have offended some in the last post. No comments? Maybe some will come through in the next few days. I really *do* want to hear what other people's thoughts and feelings are on the topic. I did admit up front that I struggle with judgment in this area. If that causes you to judge me, okay. Sorry. If we're all honest with ourselves, I imagine we could admit we all struggle with judgment in some area, that happens to be mine. But please know that if you're my real life friend and you don't homeschool, I love you dearly, and I'm not thinking of it every time I see you, not even most of the time I see you :o) (why do i feel that i'm just digging my grave deeper and deeper?)

So, you've probably figured out by now that Halloween is another one of those ways we're extreme. We don't celebrate it. We don't even participate in *churchy* stuff because we feel it's still participating but pretending we're not. Like mostly everything else in my life, there's a story behind it. (Glen teases me endlessly about how I have a story for everything.)

My family growing up celebrated Halloween in a big way. My Mom decorated inside and out. We had Halloween coming out our ears, our cabinets, our car. You get the picture. Sometime between Halloween of my second and third grade years, something happened (I've never actually asked her, I probably should. I'm curious now.) to cause her and my dad to believe we were participating in a holiday that had evil origins, and in light of God telling us in no uncertain terms to flee from evil, be different from the world, have nothing to do with the appearance of evil, etc. we stopped celebrating it cold turkey. I remember my Mom explaining to us they felt they had been sinning by participating, throwing away everything related (she wouldn't even give it away), and my third grade year I got picked up from school early on Halloween party day. And we went to a Christian school. Trust me, I was the weird one. We were the *only* ones who didn't do Halloween. In future years, we just got to skip the whole day.

Glen's family never celebrated Halloween growing up, so when we got married, it was kind of a non-issue. That is, until the people we *did* know that didn't celebrate started um, giving in, for lack of a better way to put it. Even our kids' cousins. This was the hardest thing for me, explaining to our children why their cousins, who once said they believed it was wrong were now saying it was okay. Even worse, they weren't even real clear about the whole thing. It was more of a "we just wanted to do it this year" sort of decision without even a clear "we've thought/prayed about it and feel it's okay." Now how do you explain that? We now know of one other family that doesn't celebrate. That's it. Even at NewSong, a Christian homeschool tutorial, last year during chapel, the leader said "stand up if you're going trick or treating tonight!" And guess who the three children were that were sitting down and getting stared at. Ugh. Is something wrong with us? Are we too *extreme*? All I know is we believe what we believe, and if anything, the whole Halloween issue with our children has taught them mainly how to stand firm by your convictions when everyone else around you believes something different.

I have this love/hate relationship with October. It is one of my favorite months, weather wise. We have an absolutely gorgeous view out of our living room windows, it takes us 15 minutes to get out of the back roads to the main road, so we are surrounded by beautiful scenery this time of year. On the other hand, Halloween decorations are everywhere. And not even the cutesy kind, everywhere from Target to the grocery to gas stations have skeletons in cages hanging by handcuffs, RIP graves, and just generally gory, death related decorations. What is up with that? My kids hate it! They turn their heads and are generally frightened and turn close into me while walking past. They still ask several times every year *why* we don't get to dress up and get candy, and can we please, but even through their desire to do the fun stuff, their little spirits are troubled by the obsession with death that surrounds the holiday.

I know part of what happened to my Mom to cause her to be convicted was her learning about how Halloween is the most sacred day of witches, and even worse, those involved in the occult in a deeper, darker level. I remember her telling us about how people that worshipped Satan would sacrifice animals, and even children on this day. She would spend every Halloween in tears, deeply grieved, and obviously troubled. She would get together with some friends to pray throughout the entire night. This kind of said a lot to me. I get the arguments about just doing the fun stuff, no scary costumes, we're not participating in the evil part, being the *weird Christians*, etc. but for us it comes back to the numerous scripture that tells us to have no participation with evil, even the appearance of evil. And you would be hard pressed to convince me that the holiday doesn't have evil origins, connotations, rituals, and just a generally evil and oppressive spirit hanging about it.

We're not complete meanies toward our kids though. We do generally try and do something fun. One year we bought a bunch of candy and had a scavenger hunt in the house. Last year we took them to eat Hibachi. We were the only ones there, and the chef put on a huge show for them. This year we're going to be camping, and while I know the campground is doing a *non scary* Halloween night, we're going to find some alternative.

To end, these are some of the Scriptures that have spoken to us about participating and what we can point our children to when asked, yet again, why we don't participate. As always, I would encourage you to read them and consider them with a spirit willing to hear should the Lord be wanting to say something. Would you embarrassed if Jesus showed up at your house on Halloween right as you were dressing up and getting ready to go out? No? Great. This very well could be one of those issues that is okay for some, if your faith genuinely allows you to participate, and sin for those that participate if the Lord is trying to talk to you about it and you just don't want to listen. Maybe so, maybe not. For us, we have a conviction that to participate would be sin, so we teach our kids it's one of those things where we're in the world, but not of it, and that being a Christian isn't always easy and our beliefs aren't always fun or popular.

1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 ~ "Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil." KJV reads, "avoid every appearance of evil."

James 1:27 ~ "keep oneself from being polluted by the world"

3 John 1:11 ~ "do not imitate what is evil"

Romans 12:9 ~ "Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good."

Deuteronomy 18:9-14 ~ "Do not learn to imitate detestable ways, including spiritists, sorcerers and witchcraft"

Ephesians 5:11-12 ~ "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness"and "live as children of light"

1 Timothy 4:1 ~ Don't "follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons"

1 Corinthians 10:20-21 ~ "I do not want you to be participants with demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons."

1 Corinthians 10:22 ~ but "everything is permissible" - but not everything is beneficial or constructive.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17 ~ "what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

James 4:7-8 ~ "submit yourselves to God / resist the devil / purify your hearts"

Ezekiel 44:23 ~ "…teach my people… to distinguish between the unclean and the clean."

Matthew 18:6 ~ "if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin…"

Hosea 4:6 ~ "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge."

John 3:19-20 ~ "people love darkness instead of light"

Romans 13:12 ~ "put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light."

Ephesians 6:11-18 ~ "take your stand against the devil's schemes."

1 John 5:19 ~ "We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one."

homeschooling in light of Psalm 1~

My MOMYS friend, Misti, brought up an interesting scripture to ponder in light of homeschooling. This is a scripture that most of us are familiar with, I even remember memorizing it in church as a child. While it has great thoughts and wisdom for evaluating how we walk through life, and who and what we allow to be our primary influences, it never occurred to me that it can speak volumes in the choice we make in regards to how and where we educate our children.

Psalm 1

Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.

He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.

The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the ungodly shall perish.

What does this mean for us as parents when it comes to educating our children? Not only educating, but how, and to what extent we "shelter" them? What does this say?

To me, it says this:

My children will be blessed by not being in the counsel of the ungodly, by not standing in the path of sinners, by not sitting in the seat of the scornful.

Who would argue that when a child is immersed in a classroom filled with peers, that the majority of time, they are walking in the counsel of the ungodly? Who are they asking for advice, whose opinions are they learning to value? Mine, or their peers' and a teachers' who may or may not have the same beliefs and values we want to impart? Even if one is lucky enough to have a teacher who is a Christian, their influence is going to be limited to morals only, no Biblical examples or discipleship allowed.

If my children were in a school setting, they would be surrounded, eight hours per day, by children largely left to their own devices. No one is there on the playground to guide them in righteousness, in kindness toward others, in purity, in seeking truth and learning to love the Lord. Take a moment to close your eyes and think back on your school experience. Were you peers encouraging you toward godliness, or caught up in the things of the world? How would your life have looked had you had godly parents that put your learning the Word of the Lord and learning His ways the main focus of their day? (I am not saying that homeschoolers have a perfect experience, far from the truth. I am also not saying that just because you had Christian parents that chose to send you to school, be it public, private, or "Christian" that they didn't love you as much as they should have, I'm just making a point that godly parents, fully aware they are sinners saved by grace, being a child's primary influence vs. peer influence is huge. And I had all three school experiences. Public, private Christian (trust me, not all it's cracked up to be, the sin is just hidden and God is mocked in private), and homeschooled.) In my opinion, putting my child in school is placing them square in the path of sinners. Yes, of course I am a sinner as well, but in the face of sin, I can repent, ask forgiveness, and acknowledge sin as sin in the light of God's Word.

And where else in our culture is the seat of the scornful (toward Biblical teaching and truth) if not our academic institutions? Maybe not so much at the elementary level (although that could largely depend on where you live), but the level of mockery and scorn toward Biblical truth increases the higher up in the education system you go. All of us have heard the stories of middle schoolers, high schoolers, university students being mocked for taking a stand for their Christian beliefs. Just the label of "Christian" invites the insults to flow. I have even heard of elementary age students being openly mocked in class for questioning the political correct "teaching" of their teachers. God help us as this current generation comes of age and steps into the realm of influence.

My children will be blessed if their delight is in the law of the Lord, and if they meditate on that truth day and night.

One of the things the Lord has opened up to me more and more the further I get into homeschooling, is that the teaching of His Word, and the discipleship of my children in His ways is to be my number one priority. Bible time needs to happen if nothing else does. His calling to keep my children at home and be their teacher has pretty much zero to do with my ability to be a superior academic teacher and everything to do with sheltering them (defensive) and bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (offensive.) Academics are hugely important if I want my children to be respected and have the ability to be an influential leader in whatever realm the Lord places them. So we don't discount academics, we just believe that when He says to "seek first His Kingdom and all these things will be added" that it's a pretty clear priority list.

As my children grow into adolescence and on into adulthood, if their delight is in the law of the Lord (they value what His Word says above what the world or their peers would tell them), and if they choose to meditate on it day and night (ponder it and allow it to be their primary influence), then they will be like a tree planted by streams of water that brings forth its fruit in season, whose leaves will not wither, and whatever they do shall prosper.

Pretty self explanatory. I want this for my children. And I believe the best way to accomplish the impartation of this wisdom and these values is by homeschooling. Can children grow up in public or private schools and walk with the Lord? Sure. Absolutely. Do homeschooled kids "go bad?" Sure. That's why it all comes back to the grace of God, knowing it's not about me, and that it's all about Him. It's why I plead for His grace, His mercy, His wisdom, His insight, His understanding, and His guidance on a daily, if not literally hourly basis.

But I would encourage you to evaluate the educational setting your children are in in light of Psalm 1. And not only the educational setting. What are they watching? What are they listening to? Who are they playing with for large amounts of time without your careful supervision? Would the Lord have anything to say to you? Do you have ears to hear? Are you willing to follow Him even if His leading goes to a different path than you would prefer? Are you willing to do the hard thing? I'm not saying that the path we have chosen as a family is right (though I believe it is) and you are in blatant sin if you choose differently than we do, but I want to encourage you to seek the Lord's heart for *your* family, and be willing to follow Him, regardless of cost.

So many of us that grew up in the church went through some point where we considered missions. "Yes, Lord! I'll follow you! You want me to go to India and serve in the slums? Sure thing!" Or some variation of that. What about, "Yes, Lord. I'll change diapers for years on end, clean up spilled milk, drown in laundry, endure sleepless nights and long for adult conversation. I'll love you with my whole heart and demonstrate that passion for you on a daily basis so that these little ones will grow up surrounded by the presence of the Lord and learn that intimacy with Him, and knowing Him is to valued above all else. I'll keep them home so they can learn these things and see them walked out hourly. I'll sacrifice lunch with friends, shopping, having a spotless house, having "me" time in abundance, and my personal agenda, even career, to raise up little ones that You can use in ways I can't even imagine." Or some variation of that.
I have many friends that have chosen to put their children in school, for one reason or another. Some of them have given up. Homescooling was too hard. (There, but for the grace of God, go I. I am not judging.) Some of them feel the Mom needs to work. (Again, no judgement.) Some feel that it truly is in their children's best interest to grow up with diverse social and cultural experiences, and one way that is accomplished is through a school setting. Some are afraid of what homeschooling will *do* to their children. Some have no idea its really an option, and some just don't care. Back to what I said earlier, I just want to encourage us to seek the Lord with a willing spirit, and listen to what He has to say. Do I have areas in my life where I still hold my ears all while saying "Here I am God, I'm listening" and want to pretend I'm not seeing where I need to change? Yes, I do. I can even tell you what a couple of them are. I never want to stand on my soapbox of perfection and tell everyone else they need to get it together. I just want to encourage all of us (myself included) in this messy process of sanctification and staying on the straight and narrow. Following Him whose life was anything but cake and featherbeds.
And really quickly I want to address one thing again, and ask a quick question of those of you that have chosen to not homeschool and are fully convinced you are walking in the path God desires for you.
So really quickly, I wanted to bring up again the point that in the Bible we are to be salt and light, and that Jesus Himself ate with sinners and sought them out. My firm belief in these things are that this does not apply to our impressionable children. The Bible clearly speaks of children being brought up by their parents in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, learning the ways of the Lord as they walk along the road, lie down, etc. I do not believe children are the ones being called to be salt and light in every day life. And as far as Jesus is concerned, He was released into ministry at the age of thirty, after He had been baptized, and tested in the wilderness, being found faithful. Only then did the Father release Him into His ministry.
Any my question is honest. It's not meant to provoke or incite division, I have truly been thinking about it in the recent months. Please hear my heart. It's hard for me, because I know without a doubt that the Lord has called us to homeschool. I believe in it 100%, and honestly, don't understand how Christians can send their children away every day. Yet as I said earlier, I have many friends, friends that I know love the Lord and love their children, that have chosen to put their children in public or private school. So my question is what has the Lord told you or said to you to cause you to believe this is okay? Where do you think I am wrong? I have two friends that I truly believe are doing the right thing by putting their daughters in school as I know it was a difficult choice (they previously homeschooled), and it was confirmed in several different ways. These girls have a wisdom and maturity beyond their years. They are being used as salt and light, and let me tell you, it is not easy for them. But I definitely believe they are the exception.
So for everyone else, I always wonder. I know this question comes about because I believe in homeschooling so strongly. Honestly, I would really just like a little insight. It is hard for me not to judge sometimes (although I really love and respect all these people), so I guess I'm just asking for a little peek into your thought process and beliefs. I want to understand. I used to know so many people that homeschooled, in my circle it was more common than not, but over the years, more and more people have "given up." (And most of them will freely admit this so I'm not making an outside judgement.) Some say the Lord had different plans for their family for the current year (I know few that ever go back to homeschooling once tasting the freedom), and some say they take it year by year. Okay. My question is: Where do you see in the Bible that sending your children out like sheep among wolves is okay, is justified, or is the Lord's will? I only see protection, nurture, shelter. What has He said to you to cause you to believe His desire for your children is something other than homeschooling? In what ways has He confirmed this? What did/does that decision making process look like for you?

...stepping off my soapbox, watching the worms crawling out of the can...

on trusting Him~

I have to apologize for not getting to this more quickly. I had hoped to get to this a good week ago, but such is life.

HC asked,

"I did want to ask you something...if I may be so forward with you!  First, a little, background:

After being on the pill for 3 years or so, and after learning from reading blogs such as Generation Cedar, and doing research, my husband and I were appalled to find out the pill is an abortificant.  So, after prayer, we decided to quit taking it.

Since our youngest was born (4 y.o.), we have both struggled with the "do we want to have more" question.  (We have 6 ages 14-4).  Weighing in the financial factor, the time, energy, etc..  After quitting the pill, we decided to dedicate my womb and our family size to God.  Can I tell you the peace and relief that I, myself, felt knowing this decision was out of my hands-that our God is all knowing and our provider!

I have since had one cycle.

Now then, I have settled in to the idea that we may have another blessing.  In fact, I WISH/HOPE/OBSESS over it!  My fear is that maybe He doesn't wish for us to have anymore.  I don't know how I will deal with the disappointment of not having another, now that I know it is much more possible not practicing any b.c.!

My question (sorry it took this long to get to it!) is this, after you have this newest baby, knowing how much you desire more, how will you deal with God saying, "You are done."?

ANY advice you could give would be greatly appreciated! (Also, if you could tell me that we will indeed have another baby-that would be great too! :p)

I had to laugh at the part over obsessing.  You should have seen me during the month where I thought there was a very good possibility I would conceive.  The two months prior, Glen had said he wanted to at least give it a little more time before possibly having another baby.  So once he was okay to face the very good probability that we would get pregnant, I was what you call *obsessed*.  At the risk of sharing too much information and making myself look like a complete dork, I'll tell you that the morning after *you know* and knowing it was my prime time for conception (and yes, Glen knew this too!)  I was up early analyzing my cycle lengths, comparing it to my past experiences and dates of conception, googling things like how soon could I have a positive test, the chances of boy vs. girl depending on when conception occurs, and all sorts of things.  I went on and on for days.  Then, when that magic "earliest day possible to find out" arrived, I started testing every morning.  It was a very good thing I discovered Dollar Tree tests, otherwise it would have had to become a budgeted item!  I don't think you people understand how much I like being pregnant and having babies  :o)  Now that you've had a good glimpse of what I'm really like, you can understand a little better how this can be hard for me!

I will admit, I have put this off answering your question a little for two reasons, one being it is such a hard question for me.  It's one of my fears. So far, every time I've wanted to be pregnant again, I've soon been pregnant again.  I've never had to deal with longing unfulfilled for very long.  Even when Glen has been overwhelmed, or wanted to wait, or even contemplated being "permanently done," the Lord has spoken to him specifically telling him we need to have another one (that's what happened with Noah), or just changed his heart toward it for now.  He's not had change of fundamental belief. The other reason being that honestly, I just don't know how I will deal with it.  I would like to say that it will be totally fine and will not bother me one little bit, that I can fully rest in God's will for me, being joyful and content in all things.  But truthfully, I just don't know.  I don't want to be so prideful and self righteous as to presume I would respond well, I can just ask Him to please help me.  Isn't that how it is in all matters related to trusting the Father when His will and desires conflict with our own?

I am again reminded of what I know was a huge turning point for me in my relationship with God.  I wrote about before how I had to deal with my fear that God wanted something different from me than being a wife and mother.  Once I came to a place (and it was a struggle!) of being able to say I would follow His will and trust Him, I was at peace, even though I didn't know what would happen.  I am firmly convinced that on that day I came to a fork in the road, so to speak, where I had to make a choice in whether I was *really* going to follow God, or if I was going to follow Him in word only, but fight for my way and go kicking and screaming if I wasn't getting what I wanted.

What a blessing that you and your husband are on the same page with this!  That is the hardest thing for me when it comes to this topic.  I've talked about it several times, so I'll only bring it up again briefly.  Glen and I have a wonderful marriage, we are truly best friends and prefer spending our time together rather than apart, and we have lots of fun together, but this is the one issue that is always there.  The intensity of it ebbs and flows, obviously it's a non-issue right now, and even though it doesn't cause huge waves, it's such a huge decision and fundamental difference, that is can be quite painful at times.  And I can honestly say that the part that hurts is just that we're not in unity, it has very little to do with me "not-getting-what-I-want."  I am so used to be in agreement in everything that this difference is really hard.

That said, my answer comes from dealing with this side of it as well.  I know that unless one of us changes, this is going to come up again. Thankfully, I know that Glen follows the Lord, even when it's hard, and even when it's not what his flesh would want.  I've seen it over and over, and in so many areas, one of those areas being this one, so I hope I can rest in that.  Even though I have a "belief" that the Lord should be in control, that we should allow Him to decide if and when we should have another child, my beliefs come from what He says about children and how He expects us to offer our bodies to Him and how to tells us to trust Him in every area of our lives.  The Bible does not say specifically, in black and white, that using birth control is wrong.  But He does tell me specifically, in no uncertain terms, to honor Glen and yes, the "s" word, even submit.  So that tells me that by following my husband, I am in the Lord's will.  I have had much more peace since I realized it was not my job to change his mind and heart with my words, my arguments, and my nagging...it is God's job to change hearts.  And I don't even want to presume that *I* have it all together and know everything, that *I* know the mind of God and Glen needs to get it together.   My prayers concerning this are for God to bring us into agreement, and bring both of our hearts and beliefs into alignment with His truth, His will, and His desire for our family.  Trusting Glen's decisions are made easier for me since I know Glen loves me and cares about what I believe, and even what I want.  And even more so because I know He loves the Lord with his whole heart.  I can't imagine having to deal with this if my husband didn't care to listen to what God had to say about it.

So, I'm not sure that I really answered the question.  I guess my answer really is that I don't know how I'll deal with it.  I've asked the Lord many times to please take away the desire for more when I am *done.*  To just let me feel done and ready to move into the next stage of life.  I asked a friend of mine at church that has eight, her youngest now being five or six, how she dealt with it.  She said they never felt *done* before, but after their eighth, she was peaceful, and just *felt* done.  I hope that's what it will be like for me.  It's no fun to not get what you want :o)  Like I said earlier, I hope that should I get to a place where I'm wanting more, but the Lord is saying no, either by not allowing me to conceive, or by having to honor Glen's desire, that I will be an example of grace and trust.  I know the way I deal with it will speak volumes to my children, and possibly even those around me, as does any area where we make a choice to follow the Lord's will or go our own way.

I often tell my children that God knows what's best for our family.  I know that's true.  I teach them that following the Lord's will ultimately, eternally results in peace and blessing, although the path may not always be fun.  I have a choice every day on how to live this out in day to day life.  I can choose to be peaceful and joyfully submit to God and my husband, I can choose to submit while obviously being unhappy and having a rebellious spirit, or I can outright rebel. 
Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down."  The strength of our homes, our marriages, our relationships with our husbands, the peace in our homes, the stability and security of our children, often rests with us as women.  It so often comes back to that choice we have every day in how we're going to deal with life.  How we're going to deal with differences between us and our husbands.  It is far better and much more valuable to keep peace and honor within our spirits and our homes, to model this for our children, than to grumble, complain, and be discontent.  And this is true whether our frustration is coming from a difference between me and my husband, or between me and God.  And as much as it is not fun for me, it is imperative that my children learn to follow God even when it's not fun.  And what better way to lead than by example, that's what discipleship is all about.

I had hoped to give some answer to your question that was full of Scripture and godly wisdom, I don't feel that I've really done it justice.  My answer feels like it's really one very long "I don't know."  I can only encourage you to grow close enough and intimate enough with the Father that should He gently tell you "no more," that you can rest in His arms, knowing that He loves you with an everlasting love, and only desires and plans good for you.  Does this mean you have to be really happy?  No, of course not.  I imagine that should I ever come to a place of having to deal with this head-on, that I will grieve.

I  know several women who long to have more children, or even one child, but for some reason we will probably never understand this side of heaven, the answer for them so far has been no.  Of all the women that I personally know that have dealt with, or are dealing with it, each one has chosen to grow closer to God rather than close off their hearts toward Him.  Sure, they get angry, and cry, and don't understand, but they know that walking with Him is worth it, that He is trustworthy, and that He loves them.  You know this too, I believe.  So while I can't tell you what I would definitely would do, I can encourage you to stay with Him, and to stay close.

You are young, though.  I sincerely hope, and pray(!) that you will be sharing some exciting news with us soon  :o)

on getting your children to be friends~

Kelly, over at Generation Cedar, a blog that I read regularly, is doing a series on Getting Your Children to Be Friends. She opened it up for questions and comments, and after a couple of posts addressing the topic in general, she is now addressing specific questions. Go over and check it out if the topic interests you.

Last Friday she talked about the idea that one becomes what one is around. She referenced a quote by Dennis Lennon..."That which is known by heart is what the heart knows."

This is one of the many reasons we homeschool. "What about peer influence and socialization?" Well, that is exactly what we are trying to protect our children from! When did the idea that age-segregated, peer influence was to be valued over godly wisdom and life experience? I'm not talking about sheltering and never letting your children be around those that are different, but eight hours a day, five days a week is not exposure, it is immersion. I don't know about you, but I think God intended for godly parents, discipling and raising up their children in the Lord, to be the primary influence on their children. Not peers that may (if you're lucky) or may not have the beliefs and moral values that you desire to pass on to your children.

A few of her thoughts...

"Our children will become like those they are most often around...adopting the worldview most consistently revealed to them."

"During their tender, formative years, peers have enormous influences over their character, attitudes and relationships. Even in small doses, a friend's influence is very weighty, and must be carefully guarded by parents."

"By and large, children are not being taught the commands of God, and have been left to themselves--the resulting product--FOOLS. ("A companion of fools suffers harm.") The constant care and training of parents toward "loving your neighbor as yourself", as opposed to the opposite peer training of "me first", yields much fruit."

She covers the topic much better and more succinctly than I could, so I would just encourage you to go over and read it. It is short, only takes a couple of minutes and is totally worth it. She does approach it from the viewpoint that the way to accomplish this best is for your children to actually be around each other, but even if you don't believe homeschooling is the way to go, it is very good food for thought as the topic really is "getting your children to be friends." I would actually encourage you to read and follow the entire series and it is full of valuable, practical information, and she always covers topics from a Scriptural point of view, motivating the heart behind the actions, giving weight to the "how to" by addressing the "why."