29 January 2009

okay, okay...i give in already...25 random things about me~

I spent literally the entire morning working on this, only to accidentally erase it. Ugh. I am now in dire need of a a maid. I have decided to do it on the blog since it auto saves every few minutes. So for you blog friends, this is kind of a Facebook thing. And for my Facebook friends, I have a blog that is lots of fun for me to do and has some photos of some really, really cute kids. And that is a totally unbaised opinion :o)

So I've been tagged for this numerous times. I give in. Fair warning, I always feel the need to explain things very thoroughly, so it will probably be quite long. More like 25 Random Stories about Shyla. Anyway, I am assuming everyone knows the rules by now. If you've already done it and I tagged you, sorry! For everyone, feel free to participate...or not :o) But if you do, make sure you send it back to me, I've really enjoyed reading everyone's. I'll probably tag way more than 25 people because it's lots of fun learning about people, especially those I never get to talk to. But again, no pressure :o)

1. My parents were serious hippies. My Dad pulled it together once I was born, but it took my Mom several years. Since my Dad was a truck driver, when I was two and three years old I was frequently in charge of my younger sister. As in changing diapers and making sure she was fed. I think I still have issues from this.

2. I was a very sneaky child. One Christmas, I went into the living room after everyone was in bed and our Santa presents were set out and traded all the stuff my sisters were getting that I wanted for the stuff in my pile that I didn't really want.

3. I have had issues with my ears since I was born. I had surgery twice as a child for it. If I hear two sounds simultaneously I have a very had time distinguishing one from the other. I have to have the captions on the tv if there is any kind of music or background noise or I cannot understand what anyone is saying. I can't follow movies in the theatre very well because of this. This also means that I can't have music playing in the background at home or it literally drives me crazy. As a result of this, I always look at people's mouths while they are talking. I never look at people's eyes. I never even noticed my husband's very obvious lazy eye until about three years ago.

4.When growing up, whenever my friends and I would have those discussions all girls have, I would say four things which have all come true. I thought I had already met my husband and knew him, just not well. (True. We were in youth group together but since he was four years older than me we didn't know each other well.) I wanted to get married young (we were married soon after I turned 17,) have a large family (we are currently expecting number seven,) and the general consensus among all my friends and myself would be that I would probably be the first to get married.

5. I hate talking on the phone. My friends from high school will probably have a hard time believing that :o) If you call me and say it is an emergency, I might call you back. If you're lucky. Email, on the otherhand, well, I'm addicted to it. If you need to talk to me, email is the way to go. I think this is actually kind of related to my ear thing and the fact that I have lot of small children running around.

6. I think Christians have largely lost sight of children being God's greatest blessing. In the Bible, when the Lord wanted to bless someone, he blessed them most frequently with children. And often a lot of them. Children are only spoken of as blessings, rewards, and inheritances. I have a heart to see God's people impact culture through a return to the Biblical family model. I love the quote "The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing. So why in our culture do we apply for a curse and reject a blessing?" Food for thought. I think so many people have been deceived into thinking the pursuit and attainment of things, career, status, and their personal ambitions are more valuable or of a higher priority than raising children to love and serve the Lord.

7. I love melted ice water. I like to fill a large pitcher full of ice with jut a little bit of water in the bottom. Once it has set for awhile and the ice gets a "cakey" consistency, I fill up a glass with the ice, top it off with water, and drink/eat it. I can easily drink two or three gallons of water a day doing this. It probably explains why I am freezing cold all the time, even in the summer.

8. I loved school. I skipped the eigth graade and if I had planned my high school with more forethought (and not chosen to go to public school one year instead of remaining homeschooled) I would have graduated another year early. I only had one credit left to earn my senior year. This actually worked out well as I was able to work full time and plan my wedding. I received full scholarships to MTSU and David Lipscomb, but decided to get married instead. We wanted to start a family pretty soon, so I didn't even consider going to school after getting married. I think my family still wishes I had gone to college before starting a family, but I think I made the right decision.

9. I could have easily been a hermit. I really, really love being alone. My dream would be to move my family to the middle of nowhere and never have to leave home. Ever. This is one of many ironies I've encountered about myself in having a lot of children.

10. I have serious OCD tendencies. Like flipping the light switch off and on until it "feels" right and having to chew food on both sides of my mouth so it feels even. I have this need to have large stockpiles of necessities on hand at all times, all lined up and facing the same direction of course. Until I had four children, all the dishes in the play kitchen had to be lined up just so, all the books had to be stacked largest to smallest, all the blocks had to be stacked and arranged by size and color. Our first five children's names are all in alphabetical order, all our girls have the middle name Rose, and all our boys have the middle name Rivers because I really like having things the same and in order. Our children are even in a pattern. Girl, boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl. My brain feels confused if things are not symmetrical. I know the Lord has used having seven children in ten years to free me from some of this, thankfully. I had to let go of some of it or I would either make my children or myself crazy. I still have a hard time with it on occassion, but I am much, much better than I used to be. I think growing up in a house that seriously could have been on one of those "Help! I'm a Hoarder!" shows caused me to be this way. And of course, like any good perfectionist, I am also a procrastinator. If I can't do it perfectly, I might as well not do it at all.

11. I don't like to "play" and never have. I don't remember playing at all as a child other than outside when my Mom would kick us out. I just wanted to read all the time. I much prefer spending time with my kids while cooking, cleaning, reading to them, etc. I am terribly uncreative and unimaginative, so playing cars, legos, dinosaurs, dolls, etc. is more of a chore and I have yet to come up with an interesting bedtime story on my own. :o) Lately I feel like one big paradox.

12. I really like doing the laundry. Even though I make jokes about how much laundry we have, I really do love it. I could stay in the laundry room all day smelling the detergent and folding clothes. Too bad there are lots of other things that need to be done too.

13. I cannot imagine living any closer in to town than I do now. Kind of goes back to the hermit thing. We live out in the country and it takes us at least 40 minutes to get pretty much anywhere. The thought of getting all my kids ready to leave and getting everyone into the car only to have to get out five or ten minutes later is terribly unappealing. Driving is very much my down time, and the drive into town for us is very beautiful and peaceful. I am so thanful for where we live.

14. I have the most intense conviction about homeshooling of anyone that I know. I very seriously believe it is what most Christian parents should do. I have a problem with parents who won't even consider it because they just don't "want" to. I know that is mean and terribly judgemental, but like I said, I have a very intense conviction about it. Sorry if that hurts your feelings. I still love you, though, if that's you :o)

15. Along those lines, I don't actually enjoy homescooling that much. I really love the planning part, but I have a hard time remembering that kids don't learn something after you tell them once :o) I mean, I can remember something after being told once, why can't they? I wish I could just download all the information into their little heads and be done with it already. I do love that through homeschooling we are building stronger family relationships than we would be able to otherwise and are able to disciple our children in the ways of the Lord as part of their every day "school." I absolutely love it that my kids are truly each other's very best friends and are not becoming peer dependent and overly influenced by modern culture. It is hard, and quite time intensive, but totally worth it. My desire it to be an encouragement to other Moms that homeschooling is do-able, and completely worth it.

16. Our first three children we had in the hospital, but our last three children have been born at home. Having babies at home is so much nicer than having babies in the hospital.

17. I am really, really picky about my kids' clothes. I would rather pay $25 for a shirt I love than buy a whole handful of cheap shirts that I don't really like. This actually makes for less laundry, too. I've had to let go of some of my control issues in this area in order to remain friends with my oldest daughter, but thankfully, none of my other kids really care. Boys are especially good like that.

18. I've always had this secret thought that if I'd really wanted to be in the CIA, I totally could have done it. I also imagine that if could just think hard enough about something, I could figure anything out. My current obsession is LOST. If I only had enough time to read all the online theories, carefully scrutinize every episode, and could really think about it long and hard enough I could totally figure out every thing that was going on.

19. My youngest son, Haven, seems to have some weird throwing up disorder. It started out only happening in the car, but recently has started happening at home as well. He'll be playing quite happily, and then all of a sudden, up it comes. It is quite gross and keeps me on edge all. the. time. Thankfully, all the floors in our main area are wood. He's not sick, and I haven't been able to relate it to any particular food. I'm wondering if it's a texture/consistency kind of thing, but so far, I'm still in the dark.

20. I had major back surgery for scoliosis when I was ten. I have two metal rods and nine screws in my back. This makes for great posture, but the complete inability to do anything that involves really bending. I had surgery within two weeks of my parents first asking the doctor about my back. The doctors said if they had not found it, within a year or so I would have been completely twisted sideways. This still freaks me out. I'm really glad they found it.

21. Since learning that Glen and two of my children have Celiac Disease (wheat makes them very sick,) I am almost constantly craving Papa Johns pizza. So now, whenever Moriah and I do errands together, we almost always get pizza. Shhh....don't tell.

22. I hate to stand out in a group of people. I have serious issues with dressing up. I am in a fabulous book club with several of my good friends, and they are all super creative and always have so much fun dressing up in costume. I love seeing their costumes, but might possibly pass out if I had to dress up. Even my regular clothes are all plain. I have a few shirts with patterns, but other than that, I almost always wear solid color shirts or tank tops.

23. I can't imagine ever saying that I'm done having kids, that I don't want to have anymore. I think I take it a lot more personally than most people. For me, to say I'm done, that I don't want anymore, makes me feel like I am literally saying to those children, "Sorry, you're too much work. It's too inconvenient. I'd rather my life be easier than have you. You are not worth the work it would take to have you." I wonder if I will always feel this way and what the implications of it will be. I think my feeling this way makes Glen nervous :o)

24. I wonder if I will always feel like I'm 17. Almost every day I think about how I can't believe I'm really married, really a Mom, and really responsible for so many little people. I can't imagine having myself for a mother. If they only knew :o)

25. I am completely, madly, head over heels in love with Glen even after 12 years of being together. Women often say their husband is a great father and/or husband, but I seriously believe Glen is the best father and most amazing husband out of any of the men I know. He lives his life every day with the conscious intention of being the best dad and husband he can be. My Dad says he's never met anyone as well suited for one another as we are, and I completely agree. During our pre-marriage counseling at church we had to take this test that was supposed to point out strengths, weaknesses, and pinpoint areas that needed to be discussed/dealt with before marriage. Our counselor, who had been doing it for years, said he had never seen a couple so well matched and we didn't seem to have any issues to really work through. So he released us from further counseling. We've been happily married for almost 12 years and it really does just get better and better. I am so thankful for him. Really, seriously, deeply thankful.

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what does this mean?

Do you ever take those funny little quizzes that tell you things about yourself? I always have fun taking them and then psycho-analyzing the results.

So what does this mean?

"You are most like Elrond. Although you are very serious, you're not above having a good time. It's just that your definition of a good time is pretty different from other people's. You're very smart, so use your knowledge to help others! At least your not so pessimistic. People may think you're hard nosed, but all your friends know better."

I'd say this is actually pretty accurate. Mostly. Anyway, it was fun. The blog I originally saw it on had the person pegged as Aragorn, which I thought was really cool. He was always my favorite. I tried and tried to change my answers while still being honest, and I kept getting Elrond. So that must be it. :o)

Click on the photo to take the quiz. And yes, this is the kind of thing I sometimes do when I have a house full of sick kids. Well, in between cleaning up puke, but you didn't really want to know about that part, did you?

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26 January 2009

not me (again) monday~

If you were at my house, you would never hear my perfectly trained three year old replying to my, "The answer is no, buddy." with, "No, Mom, the answer is yes." We don't allow things like that around here.

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another not me monday~

If you've never checked out MckMama's My Charming Kids blog, you have to go over there. She is always good for a laugh and has a hilarious perspective on her life with her MSCs (many small children.) My Charming Kids is home to Not Me Monday.

So...apparently I must be the only one among all of you that is less than perfect, as none of you have ever written a Not Me Monday post! Come on people, I've thrown out all my laundry here several times, and although I know you love reading about all my mishaps, no one seems brave enough to spill the beans about what really goes on at their house. Not to uh, be bossy or induce guilt or anything :o)

This past week...

I did not forget about the cow we had butchered and buy a huge pile of ground beef to brown for my freezer. Not me, my going-on-seven-kids-in-ten-years brain never forgets important details like that.

And that was not me that got ridiculously offended at the Costco gas station attendant when he told Anna she needed to get back in the car due to their store safety policy. And you didn't see me mutter under my breath that at the other Costco she always helps me clean out the trash in the car and no one ever says anything. And I definitely didn't ignore him when he told me to have a nice day. I would never be so rude.. And I wasn't thinking something like, "Come on, it's not like I'm letting all my toddlers out of the car to run around."

It certainly wasn't me that forgot to put the chicken in the ahem...chicken alfredo and didn't even realize it until my sweet husband said, "Isn't there usually chicken in here?"

And if you see an adorable 5 year old girl wearing Converse in the near future (instead of her super cute brown Mary Janes) it is not Moriah. Because my sister did not take her to the skate park on their spend-the-night outing and she didn't come home saying she wants to be a skateboarder girl and needs some of those star shoes. Therefore, I haven't been hoping she'll forget about it and she hasn't asked me at least once every day if she can puhhhlease get some. My daughter is definitely not a skateboarder girl.

And it wasn't me that Ethan's teacher was talking to when she said, "Oh, are you his Mom?" Because it's not me that's had her sister take her kids to school every week since school started. Remember, I'm the involved parent. And since we're not talking about me, I definitely didn't have to call my sister to find out what time my kids need to be picked up.

On the other hand....

It most certainly WAS me that sent my kids to the homeschool enrichment group dressed in their pajamas on pajama day! Some of you may remember that I uh, have a history of sending my kids dressed up for various dress up days on the wrong day. Poor kids, they were nervous the entire way there that they would be the only ones in pajamas ;o)

What did you not do?

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20 January 2009

created to be his helpmeet~

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long time no blog~

Gee whiz. I just looked at the list of posts and realized it's been awhile. I guess I've been busy.

It seems like I'm always evaluating our routines, school, etc. but January is usually more of an intensely focused time for that. And it took awhile to find a home for the 2,365, 897 new toys. Ugh. Not to mention that for Christmas I got a Kitchenaid mixer and a breadmaker so I've been playing with experimenting with creating one flop after another doing a lot of trial and error baking in an attempt to create a gluten free sandwich bread that is peanut butter and honey worthy for Ethan. My sweet family is so bread-desperate though that they have promptly (as in within minutes) gobbled up everything I have made. Hard crusts, gooey centers and all. Anything tastes good with a little honey or garlic butter on it :o)

On a side note, a good part of my mental and emotional energy has been spent obsessing over and praying over a really difficult situation I'm going through with a very, very close friend. It is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with emotionally, so prayers would be much appreciated!

Can you believe I'm 26 weeks along? If I can ever figure out how to take one of those mirror shots and have it turn out decently I'll post a photo. If you picture your regular pregnant Mom right around 8 months or so, that's what I look like at 6.5 months. Well, it's how I feel anyway. I've definitely hit the stage where I ask someone else to get anything for me that involves bending and turning over in bed at night is an event. You all know exactly what I'm talking about don't you :o) Regardless of the constant fatigue, awkwardness, and body parts wedged in uncomfortable positions, I am still daily grateful the Lord has blessed us with another little sweetie and that she is healthy. We won't talk about the varicose veins I have in my right leg that I have never had before. I must be getting old ;o)

I am getting very excited about having another little girl. Moriah has been past the dresses and barrettes and cute little baby girl clothes stage for awhile now and I am missing it! I have all the girl clothes washed and sorted into drawers (by size up through 12 months of course!) and am beginning to get anxious.

I have also begun to enter the nesting stage. I think I'm a little overly preparatory compared to most people, but it's how I am and it works for me. Last night it occurred to me that since my birth history now encompasses an entire month of really thinking it could be any minute, I need to be ready at the beginning of April. This plan didn't work out so smoothly with Haven, but both my girls were over two weeks early, and since my dates this time have been a little sketchy tending toward the earlier due date side, I'd rather be safe than caught off guard. So that means that February needs to be my cooking and stocking up month and March needs to be my deep cleaning month. So I ordered a bunch of coupons from the coupon clippers so I can stock up on nine months worth of non perishables. I'm talking about everything from canned goods to diapers to paper towels to clothes for the kids. I do not enjoy shopping with an infant, so I try and get as much stocked up as possible to make grocery day as easy as possible. We don't exactly live down the road from the store and it's usually around 6 months that I can begin leaving the baby at home while I do errands. That's why I aim for 9 months of supplies.

So now I need to begin making a plan for what meals I want to make. We're just about out of what I made back in August. And since my birthday is in March, I'm uh...hinting...that having someone else come and deep clean the house would be an excellent birthday gift :o)

Wow, I can't believe it's already time to be thinking about this stuff!

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07 January 2009

fourth folder fun~

A blogger friend, Christy, whom I hope to meet in real life one day, tagged me for a funny little post. Take the fourth photo folder on your computer, take the fourth photo from that folder, post it, and explain it.

Here you go....classic me ;o)

This was taken in 2007 May, when I was at the Kdg/1st grade Mother's Day Tea with Caleb who had just turned 7. I used to joke that if we continued going to New Song (the two day per week homeschool co-op we used to attend) that I would be attending the Mother's Day Tea something like 12 years in a row. And probably be pregnant at every other one ;o)

This is the year I was expecting Haven. I think in this photo, I was probably a week away from my due date (and unbenownst to me at the time, still three weeks away from his actual birth day.) It was a very funny May as there were tons of end of year things I was trying to arrange around having a baby. There was the Mother's Day Tea, end of year parties, field day, etc, etc. It eventually became quite comical. My aunt (who helps me a lot in the two weeks following my births) was finishing up her school year as a teacher, and it seemed like everyone had something going on. I kept getting requests to please have the baby by________ or just don't have him on _____ or ______. "Tuesday would be good, but not Monday or Wednesday. The weekend would be okay, but I would really prefer a weeknight." (Have you ever tried to arrange a home birth around your husband, the end of a school year, your mother in law, two sisters, and an aunt? Not to mention my midwife's family was in town. Gee whiz people, you either make it or you don't! ;o) Having previously had all early babies, and knowing May would be busy, I had my house completely cleaned and my freezer completely filled by the end of April, expecting another early baby. Well, Mr. Haven decided to overly accomodate everyone's schedules and not come until the very end of May, a full two weeks late.

Thanks, buddy. That was really thoughtful of you. Being a week and a half overdue at field day was a blast ;o)

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03 January 2009

i love it...
2009 january~

I love it that even though Haven has been walking for probably close to six months, he still is very wobbly and when he really gets going, you can't help but cringe thinking surely he's going to run straight into something any minute. He's still a little top heavy ;o)

I love it that Noah calls Anna, "Nina." Even though he could say Anna if he wanted to.

I love it that even though Ethan is now seven, he still holds my hand.

I love it that Noah could be a genuine "Barney" kid, he can sing while smiling a huge cheesey smile with the best of them. All while swaying back and forth and nodding his head at all the appropriate moments.

I love it that I can buy any pair of roller blades at the Goodwill and bring them home knowing they will surely fit someone.

I love it when Haven takes my hand and says, "Co-, co-" (He hasn't quite gotten the "m" sound on the end yet.)

I'm wondering if Haven is going to have a permanent smiley face scar in the middle of his eyebrows even when he's an adult. But I'm really thankful we were able to take out his stitches at home so we didn't have to drag him back to the hospital again.

I love it that I have enough boys spaced and sized just right that I rarely have to store clothes in the attic. I just move them from one person's closet to another.

I love it that we've been having consistent 2-3 hour naptimes every day since Anna was born so now even my older kids just accept it as a normal part of their day. It's everyone's down time to pursue their own interests in peace and quiet. Or nap. Napping is very important sometimes ;o)

I love it that Anna knows just how to distract Haven and get him interested in something else when I need her to. Often without even asking. She is awesome with little kids and I love just watching her interact with the smaller guys.

And I love it that she is always writing a story. Always.

I love it that Caleb wanted long johns for Christmas so he could work outside in the cold.

I love it that anytime Glen is working on anything, Caleb is right there with him. And I love it that Glen welcomes all the kids to "help" him pretty much anytime he's working on anything, which is pretty much always.

I love it that last week when Glen was putting shingles on the shed he let all the kids up on the roof with him to help.

I love it that Moriah and Noah sometimes disappear upstairs for hours to play house.

I love it that for Christmas Moriah wanted puppy stuff, a scooter, a bigger kid skateboard, and roller blades. And she is always keeping an eye out for a new baseball hat.

I love it that now that Ethan is seven he says his taste buds have grown up. And I am so thankful that he has accepted the no gluten lifestyle with a very matter of fact attitude and I don't think he's complained once!

I love it that when bribed properly motivated, my four oldest kids can have the downstairs really, really clean in under thirty minutes. Vaccuming included.

I love it that Anna spent most of December teaching herself Christmas songs on the baby light up keyboard book and had NO IDEA that we were getting her a real keyboard for Christmas.

I love it that Moriah is loving school and gets out her "work" every day on her own without me having to ask her.

I love it that she has to come and kiss me goodnight twice.

I love it that when it's her day to do errands with me, she loves to count the horses we pass on the way home (47 last time) in between sounding out words and figuring out word families.

I love it that we finally figured out we can occupy play with Haven up to an hour a day in the bathtub if we divide it up between two baths and take turns watching him.

I love that Noah puts his little face up to my tummy and says, "Hi, baby Grace!"

I love it that when I take naps with Noah he still insists on cuddling up as close as possible, and on days when he's not quite ready to fall asleep, he plays with his fingers until he gets tired. So sweet.

I love it that when Haven gets tired, he grabs my hand and pulls me to his bed and points at it. Sometimes he's so happy to lay down that he laughs.

I love it that even though it's *only* 50 degrees outside, my kids think it's warm enough to play berry factory in the woods and eat lunch on the deck while wearing shorts and tshirts.

I love it that when it's cold, Haven likes us to open the door so he can stand next to it and hold his hands up by his head and shiver and say "cold, cold."

I love it that my kids shoes are almost always covered in mud. Even though it's gross, it reminds me of how thankful I am that I live somewhere where they can just go outside and be kids.

And I love it that when it's Noah's turn to pray, he starts out with the Boz prayer (Boz is a kids' video), and speed prays (read as fast as possible) "Thank you, God, as this day ends, for my family and my friends. Taking time to sit and pray, thank you, God, for this great day. In Jesus' name, Amen."

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02 January 2009

my utmost for His highest~

This is what greeted me yesterday morning...

"My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever I may do honour to
Christ in my own person by fearless courage."

Philippians 1:20

What a challenge for the new year!

I love Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest. I have been reading it since sometime in my teen years. For several years since our last move, it was relegated to an obscure bookshelf, and I just recently pulled it down and am rediscovering what is evidently nothing short of pure inspiration to Mr. Chambers from the Holy Spirit.

Are you familiar with it? For so long when I first read it, I was almost daily astounded at how it spoke directly to whatever I was currently struggling with and needing encouragement in. And I'm not talking about a general feeling of "Oh, what a funny coincidence." I mean more like blown away. I have since heard other people say that same thing. While I try and read it out of my book, I also subscribe to the daily devotional in my google reader. You can subscribe to the feed here. I would encourage you to check it out. It is motivating, encouraging, and often challenging.

So back to yesterday. What struck me is that the past couple of weeks I feel as if I've come to another one of those crossroads in life. The place where I have to choose, again, to die to self, and submit to what I feel the Lord is calling me to do. It's nothing huge in so far as *what* it is, though I'm sure it's huge in the grand scheme of things, it's just another layer of selfishness coming off. You know, the whole "he who loses his life for My sake will find it" sort of stuff. And boy is that hard sometimes. But yet, whenever I look back as these various points in my life, I can see the tremendous fruit and blessing that has come of it when I have, through the grace of God, chosen to go His way.

Oftentimes when I come to these places, it is a gradual building of consciousness. Usually, it begins with my being overwhelmingly and increasingly frustrated at something, and gradually, as I become more and more desperate for God to step in, He causes me to realize it is yet another place of choosing His way over my own. Sadly to say, for me, I usually drag this out much longer than necessary! But thankfully, the Lord is faithful and continues to lead me in the way I need to go.

So it was just in the last few days, Monday specifically, where I was once again desperate and crying out to the Lord for change and breakthrough in some areas of weakness and frustration, asking Him for specific answers, that as I was napping, and going in and out of that place of consciousness, that I felt His answer. And it very much had to do with my laying down *my* life for His way. Sounds simple, but it came to me clearly and I felt as if I came out of a fog.

And as the new year dawned, I read these thoughts from the 1 January devotional...

"...We shall all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus on the point He has asked us to yield to Him. Paul says-'My determination is to be my utmost for His highest.' To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender of will, an absolute and irrevocable surrender on that point. An overweening consideration for ourselves is the thing that keeps us from that decision..."

"...Shut out every other consideration and keep yourself before God for this one thing only - My Utmost for His Highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and for Him alone."

"...God's order (sometimes) has to work up to a crisis in our lives because we will not heed the gentler way. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him, and we begin to debate; then He produces a providential crisis where we have to decide-for or against, and from that point the "Great Divide" begins. If the crisis has come to you on any line, surrender your will to Him absolutely and irrevocably."

So I've been really thinking about it and figuring out what specific changes I need to make in obedience to His leading, and so I have greeted the new year. Hoping, desperately hoping for more of Him. That He would come and be here. In this place.

Come, Lord. We need you. We are desperate for more of You. Be here. With me. In this place.

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"How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about arithmetic, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness." ~GK Chesterton

2012 November

2012 November