everly baby~

Evelyn Rose

Everly Baby

Sweet Little Evs

Some people think younger children in larger families

get left out and overlooked.

I would beg to differ.

I wonder sometimes if it's possible to be loved to death.

One would be hard pressed to find a baby more doted on than you.

You have your own personal fan club.

It's not hard to see why.

I often think that you of the most-heard phrases around here is,

"You are SO cute."

And I think your two oldest brothers say it most of all.

Early in the morning and after naptime

it is often heard,

"Is Everly awake yet?

Can I get Everly up?"

My precious, sweet girl.

My heart.

You are growing up so fast.

Nine months already.

You've now been out longer than you were in.

Today you pulled up for the first time.

I think this is a record for our family.

Two teeth, pulling up,

where has the time gone?

This Mama's heart aches while delighting in your sweetness.

Your uncle has said that by looking at you one can tell you are just nice.

I hadn't thought of it like that before,

but he is right.

You are full of sweetness and light.

You have such a purity about you.
All one has to do is look at you and smile

and your face lights up with genuine joy.
You are so happy.

My heart is full.

How can I be so blessed?

The Father only gives good gifts,

and you,

sweet Evelyn, 

are a delightful treasure.

You are so loved. 

the birth of everly ~

Wow, it's been awhile since I've done one of these.  Everly's birth was kind of non-dramatic and I just realized I hadn't written about it!  Seeing as how I want to remember all the details it's pretty long.  Fair warning.

I've re-hashed the whole early baby/late baby thing numerous times here, so suffice it to say that when you've had five approximately two-week-early babies, one exactly-on-time baby, and one 15 day late baby that you just don't really know what to expect.  I was particularly uncomfortable at the end of this pregnancy (and bored, SO bored) that I was really hoping she would be early.  She must have been awfully comfy in there because I now have two late babies.  At least it was only three days and not fifteen.  Whew.

To start at the beginning, I just didn't have it in me for a home birth this time.  I didn't feel peaceful about it at all.  Haven and Grace were both 9 1/2 lbs (at 15 days late and 13 days early, respectively) and they were both posterior.  You can read about their births here and here.   Not only were they hard physically (especially Haven's, his was pretty dramatic involving zero pushing stage and being born in the caul) but especially mentally.  My midwife was and is amazing, getting both of them to turn during labor, but it made for long, uncomfortable labors.  I have diastasis pretty badly which I believe contributed to them being posterior and in the event Everly was going to also be posterior I wanted the option of an epidural.  So I went back to my ob that delivered my first three children and initially referred me to my midwife.  I'm so glad I did.  It was a great experience.  And what is up with having THREE 9 1/2 lb babies in a row?  Seriously??

Everly's pregnancy was hard.  I don't think I'd call it my hardest, but it was tiring.  My indigestion was worse than ever before (not that anyone cares, but I'm writing all this done for posterity's sake  :). )  I did all my regular freezer cooking and nesting and by about two weeks prior to her due date I was ready.  Alas, she was not.  So I sat there.  For two weeks.  Wondering if today was the day.  It *was* the beginning of the school year so I had some stuff to occupy me, but I had planned it light not knowing when little Evelyn Rose would make her appearance so it wasn't too big of a deal.  I was so bored.  SO bored.  But I resisted the offers of my doctor to induce me whenever I would like.  He said he was just trying to help me not have to birth another big baby.  I said thanks, but no thanks.  Those first few minutes and hours of realizing it's finally happening are priceless.  Definitely worth waiting for.  It's my favorite part of pregnancy pretty much.  So exciting.

My due date, Thursday, 15 September, came and went.  I remember posting on facebook on Friday night how odd it felt to be waiting to pick up my two oldest kids from a youth group event while being overdue with another sweet baby.  I definitely never imagined I'd be having babies when I had kids in youth group!

On Saturday I had made plans with my aunt to have lunch and go see The Help.  I had secret thoughts of going into labor during the movie but was mentally staying prepared for another very late baby.  We had a great lunch at Red Lobster and then headed to the theatre.  Sure enough, about halfway through I realized I was having some contractions.  Yes!  I discreetly checked my phone and realized that from the onset they were every ten minutes apart.  So I texted Glen and was so content sitting there with my little secret.  When the movie was over I promptly went to the restroom where I discovered that it was definitely the real thing.  I informed my aunt who was going to be the one to keep our kids that she should probably go home and be on call.  She lived with my great aunt and took care of her so we had made plans that my sister Kristen and her husband would come over if it was during the night and my aunt and great aunt would come out in the morning.

I stopped by the store to grab some stuff, went home, did laundry, straightened up, and told the kids.  My contractions pretty much quit while I was moving around but I was losing my mucous plug so I knew things were moving along.  I also realized that she was posterior (she had been anterior up until the last couple of weeks) so I figured it would be another long-ish labor.  I actually really felt that she was more sideways and had mentioned this to my doctor.

(In hindsight I should have known.  That Sunday was our church's day at a nearby YMCA camp which is super fun.  The kids had been looking forward to it all year and I had said so many times that unless we were actually having a baby on. that. very. day. that we would go.  Uh huh.  We had a baby that day.  Poor kids. They took it well.  At least it was raining and they didn't miss out on too much.)

The kids went to bed, Glen and I watched a movie and then went to bed.  I think I slept for about an hour.  My contractions were getting stronger and closer together.  I didn't want to call my sister or wake up Glen because I just wasn't quite ready to be that official yet.  So I sat in the tub and was beginning to have to really breathe through contractions and was having alternating thoughts of wanting to just stay in the tub and thinking I need to get to the hospital so I can get an epidural already.  I should have realized that was a pretty clear sign to go.  Thankfully Glen realized it and said we should probably go.  Not that the birth was imminent or anything but after Haven's literal falling out I think he's just a little nervous.  :)

So we headed to the hospital.  The triage nurse asked (in my opinion kind of disbelieving, like she gets women in all the time "thinking" they are in labor) if I *thought* I was in labor.  I was thinking, "Lady, this is my eighth baby.  Trust me, I'm in labor."  But I just smiled and said that yes, I thought I probably was.  She soon discovered I was about six-seven centimeters so that earned me a trip upstairs to labor and delivery.

Let me back up and say that I was super nervous about having a hospital birth.  Ethan was my last hospital birth and he is about to be ten.  Since then I've become (mostly) anti-vaccine and anti-intervention and I had a lot of concern over how that was going to go down.  After lots of asking questions on facebook I really felt the Holy Spirit telling me to just trust the Father, to pray for favor, and to not worry.  So I did that and was able to quit obsessing.

So when I got to the hospital and they gave me the hospital gown I told them I would really prefer to wear my own clothes.  And they were totally fine with it.  Totally.  They were understanding, accepting, and even sometimes downright supportive of my preferences.  I am so thankful to have had no issues whatsoever.  The only thing was that they insisted on giving her a bath in the nursery and keeping her under the lights for an hour.  I wasn't okay with that.  I thought I could keep her just as warm and I had visions of her lying there hungry and crying and them refusing to bring her to me until the hour had passed.  So we just declined the bath and no problem.

Anyway, when I got upstairs we went through the general questions and of course all the comments about Everly being number eight.  They know my midwife there and I think they found it humerous that I really just wanted a hospital birth for the epidural.  So they got me hooked up and I remember just lying there in the very early morning hours (I had prayed to go into labor and make the trip to the hospital at night, I just love it that way.  It just feels so secret-ish.) watching the contractions growing longer and closer and peaking on the monitor and thinking, "Thank You, Jesus, for epidurals."  True story.  I said it numerous times.  I was dead serious, too.  I did have a moment of pride when the nurse told me I was a good 7 (before the epidural) and asked if I always acted like nothing was really going on when I was at 7.  Ha.  Made me feel good even though I was being a weenie about it this time around.

The night passed and as morning came I began to be in a lot of pain.  Like I-may-as-well-have-been-at-home kind of pain.  The epidural. guy had to come back like four times.  I was having significant pain very low in the front *and* back which was new to me.  I can only imagine what that would have felt like completely sans epidural and at home.  I think I really believe that's why I needed to go to the hospital this time.

Finally they got me dosed up and then it was time.  Yay!  I had been concerned about possibly having to push out a posterior baby.  Susie (the midwife) was always able to get them to turn but I knew with an epidural and laboring just sitting in the bed that I couldn't count on that happening.  But I am glad to say that aside from the whole no-pushing thing with Haven it was by far my easiest pushing stage.  Five minutes.  Tops.  I think three pushes.  SO easy.  I did need a couple of stitches but it wasn't a big deal.  And she came out sideways.  That's what the doctor said.  Sideways.  That explains the pain in the front AND back, I think.

She was and is perfect.  Aside from my particularness  (is that a word?) the rest of the visit was normal and we were allowed to leave the next morning.  I spent a good amount of time worrying that first night about how I was going to decline having my blood drawn the next morning (I didn't feel it was necessary and WHY do they always come in at like 4:30am???) but when the tech came in I groggily said, "I"m declining having my blood drawn," and she gave me a quizzical look, turned around and left.  No one ever said anything about it.  I think they knew I just wanted to have my baby and be left alone.  :)

So that's it.  The birth of little Evs.  Life since then had been anything *but* my typical new baby adjustments but that story is for another time.

Welcome to the world, sweet Everly.  We are so glad you are here.  You are perfect, and you were born at just the right time.

little evs~

Introducing...

Evelyn Rose

"Everly"

18 September 2011

10:53 AM

9# 8oz

What a little sweetie she is. Sometimes when I snuggle her up under my chin I am so overcome.

My heart is full. She is so precious.

a bit of news~

Anyone on facebook has experienced the obsession with coming up with clever status updates. (Unless you haven't. Then I will feel stupid. Please tell me I'm not the only one.)

I will confess I spent a bit of time wondering what I would say on facebook when (if) we found out we were pregnant again.

I don't know...*is* eight enough? (Remember the old tv show?)

Announcing that developmental plans are in the works for Hutchison model #8, set to debut in September 2011.

So, wondering if the pattern will hold...

That was definitely two pink lines.

Honestly I was in a state of shock so the only one I could come up with at the time was the pattern. I didn't even announce it the same day but that was still all I could come up with. People caught on right away though. So funny. I don't know any other family that has a pattern going on like we do, so we'll see. Actually, we kind of "need" to fulfill two patterns. With conflicting genders. While our immediate family pattern is girl, boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl... Glen's extended family has girls born in groups of three. We have Grace, my sweet sister in law Elizabeth is having her first girl after five boys, so we really need another girl to keep that pattern going. ;) I actually have a solution for that that doesn't involve twins.

In related news....

I mentioned I was in a bit of shock when I found out I was pregnant again. Silly? Probably so. I had thought if I were going to be pregnant that I would be able to find out at Christmas. The kids have been saying they really want to have another baby so I thought I'd do a test on Christmas so we could tell them then if I was. In theory, I should have been able to have a positive test then, but I didn't. It was negative. So I just put the thought out of my mind. Even though I felt the Lord had told me I would be pregnant in December. But more on that later. It didn't occur to me until last week that I was pretty late. So I got a test out of my Dollar Tree stash (doesn't everyone have a pregnancy test stash?) and when it turned positive I proceeded to use the other three tests as well as having Glen pick up another two pack of tests on the way home. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who requires at least four tests in order to believe it's real...)

I'm kind of making light about this, but the reason I was in a bit of shock is actually quite important. To just lay it out there, Glen and I had just begun the process of adopting a little girl in Eastern Europe that has down syndrome. I hope to do a whole post on it soon (famous last words) but there is so much there that I don't really want to bog this post down with it. Suffice it to say that it was a somewhat sudden decision (we had adoption in the back of our minds and had almost moved on it a few years ago right before we found out we were pregnant with Haven) but it wasn't currently on the horizon. Or so we thought. Until we learned of an organization called Reece's Rainbow. I'll write more on them separately as well, but we had sponsored a little girl in their Christmas Angel Tree program and right at Christmas Glen and I both very strongly felt like the Lord was leading us to move forward in adopting her. The way it came about is really amazing to us and I cannot describe to you how my heart immediately opened to her like one of my own children. I know there are a lot of problems with the "rescue mentality" in adoption and while I understand that, when it comes to the Reece's Rainbow kids and others like them, there is most definitely an element of "rescue" to it. I'm not educated enough to talk about it much, but I will provide some details in a follow up post.

So needless to say, finding out I was pregnant was a bit of a shock. We had taken a pretty big first financial step but now we are finding out that the pregnancy is going to quite possibly put those plans on hold. I'm going to be really honest when I say this has been extraordinarily difficult for me. I never really understood what it was to wrestle with God. And while I know many people are in much more difficult "wrestlings" that doesn't negate my feeling like I've been ripped apart emotionally. I have worked through quite a bit of it, but every time I get some new information that takes us closer to having to wait and further away from this precious little one I feel like a wound is being ripped open. I have walked in sweet relationship with the Father long enough to know I can absolutely, one hundred percent trust Him and His plan and that His ways are higher than mine and He sees the big picture while I do not. But that doesn't make it feel much better.

So while I very much rejoice at the new little life He is giving us, a part of my heart is grieving for a little girl worlds away that is going to possibly have to wait a while longer for her family. And part of that grief is the knowledge that it may not actually be in the Lord's big picture for us to be her family. And while I most definitely want His will for her life to be accomplished, a part of me is sad to think that might look different than what I desire. I know He doesn't make mistakes, and I know He has a plan for both of these little ones' lives, I just wish I could see the whole thing. Right now would be good.

Sorry this sounds like such a downer update. My emotions are still really just kind of raw feeling and all over the place. But we are very much excited at the idea of a new baby. And a 2 1/2 year gap between kids? Whatever are we going to do? ;)

and she turns 1~

My Dearest Grace,


Has it really been a year?  How can that be?  Wasn't it just yesterday you were a newborn baby snuggled up in softness with sleepy eyes and tiny clentched fists?  Delighting me with sweet baby yawns and sighs.  Don't you know your Mama's heart relishes your baby-ness?  Don't you know you're supposed to grow up slower than other babies?  Oh, how thankful I am that you are a snuggler.  And even though I enjoy a good nights' sleep, there is something precious about snuggling and nursing in those sleepy dark hours.  There really is.

You are such a delight to us.  Do you know how many requests I have to turn down from your brothers and sisters to please wake you up early in the morning?  Every day you're like a new gift.  You bring us countless smiles and indescribable joy.  You are such a sweet, happy baby.  We love seeing your face and eyes light up when someone walks in the room.  We love watching you bounce up and down with excitement when someone comes to play with you.  And even though you are just now beginning to show signs of trying to crawl, we're not worried.  That's how your brothers and sisters have been too.  It's a great adventure to set you down and see how far you can scoot yourself  :)


Children are a blessing.  Blessed  is the man whose quiver is full.  We know it.  Without a doubt. We live it every day.  We are so thankful for you.  We are so thankful you are here with us when you might not have been.  Every day we thank the Father for the wonderful gift of Grace.  You are sweet, and beautiful, and such a delight.


We love you, Precious Girl.  Sweet Baby Grace.

overheard in the garden~

Three year olds make great garden helpers. Especially if they're slight ocd boys :o) Not only does he do a great job counting and picking potato bugs and pulling weeds, but he's also happy to help out Grace when she loses her paci.

So, one evening when we were out working in our so pathetic it shouldn't be called a garden garden, Grace started to fuss in her bouncy seat. I asked Noah if he could go give her the paci, which he promptly did while making cute faces at her. A few moments after he went back to picking bugs, she began to fuss again.

So, overheard in the garden this week as Noah called out to baby Grace over and over...

"Don't fuss now, baby. I got to wook in da gahden. I got to wook in da gahden, baby."

I love three year olds, especially this one. :o)

the birth of grace~

Well, it's high time I finally got around to writing Grace's birth story. I do feel I really needed to process it first, as my first attempts were all over the place and the way I kept "losing" them to blogger-land finally led me to believe I just needed to wait a bit. And I did. I needed to think it through. Not to mention I've been a little busy :o)

So here it is. Finally.

The actual birth is pretty normal. Labor began, lasted about four hours total with about twenty minutes or so of pushing. She was posterior, she turned right before I began to push. Non-eventful, easy birth. Rather large for two weeks early (nine and a half pounds exactly,) but perfectly healthy. No tearing, easy recovery. All done.

But it didn't feel that way in my head. During the labor, it felt like my hardest one ever. But it was all mental. The actual "birth story" is as above, but in my head it was an entirely different story. So if you want the details, here they are...

Easter Morning. We're all excited to go to my grandparents' farm in Kentucky. Secretly I've been feeling like she would come this weekend, but you know how that is. It's so hard to discern between what one is "feeling" and what one is just really hoping for. So although I was feeling it would be Easter weekend, Haven's two week late birth kept me from setting myself up for disappointment. I knew I was mentally preparing for her to come early though as I finished off my to do list on Saturday.

So everyone is looking forward to Kentucky. I'm hoping the car ride will put me into labor and that things will happen that night after a nice visit to the farm.

Not so. I woke suddenly around 7am thinking I either peed in the bed (which has never happened to me, even during pregnancy) or my water broke a little. I say a little because it was one small spot, not a huge gush. I got up, confirmed that yes! my water had indeed broken. And went back to bed quietly excited with my secret, and waited for something to happen. I was mildly disappointed that it seemed I would be laboring during the day (I really, really like waking up during the night realizing labor has begun, taking a bath, and enjoying the dark, quiet house and watching the sunrise. Strange, I know. But it's actually worked out that way several times.) But the disappointment was largely overshadowed by excitement that she was coming, and almost two weeks early!

So I laid there, and nothing. About an hour later, everyone was up and I was keeping my secret. (Have I mentioned I don't like to tell anyone I'm in labor until I absolutely have to? Not even Glen. For some reason, I just really prefer keeping it to myself as long as possible.) But after awhile I realized I was going to have to tell them as they were beginning to talk about getting ready to go. I told Glen quietly first, his eyes got really big and it actually took me a minute to convince him I wasn't joking. The kids were all very excited to find out the baby was coming and didn't mind missing the trip. Except for Ethan, he was highly irritated the baby couldn't just wait. He kept saying, "Can't we just go? The baby isn't actually coming now. Can't we just go and come back when she's actually being born?" Poor guy. If we had only known.

So I turn into the cleaning dictator. Anything anyone gets out has to be immediately put back, and any mess or crumb must immediately be cleaned up. But still nothing is happening. Not one contraction. Nothing. We take a family picture, run to the video store, come home, eat lunch, and finally lay down for a nap. All this time, my water is leaking enough for me to know that it truly is that, but not enough to keep me from normal activity. So finally I realize this labor is looking to be like Caleb's. With his birth, my water began leaking early on a Sunday morning as well, but I didn't go into labor until the following night. I really am kind of happy that I may indeed get to labor during the night. And it was really kind of fun anticipating it.

When we woke up from our nap Sunday afternoon, my water really broke. As in I was creating puddles every time I stood up, so I spent the rest of the evening sitting in my chair and assuring Glen it was totally normal for labor to have not really started yet. I reminded him of Caleb's birth, but he was still growing nervous that it had been so long and nothing was happening. He kept wanting me to call Susie, but I knew what that would mean and I wanted to just let it happen on its own. I assured him things would probably happen during the night and not to be concerned. We watched a movie and eventually went to bed.

I woke up the next morning after having zero contractions during the night. I don't even think I got up to pee. I'm lying in my bed trying to not be disappointed. At this point, I know we're going to have to have a baby today, one way or another as my water has been broken for so long now. No night laboring, and more than likely we're going to have to induce labor, be it naturally at home or artificially at the hospital. So I'm trying to not be terribly disappointed. You see, I really like to plan things. Whether it be how I'm going to organize my laundry or how my labor is going to go. I have always had a very distinct plan in my mind of how I want it to go, and amazing it has been that way more often than not. And not only do I have a very specific way of how I want things to go, but I also have very specific things that I absolutely hate in labor. And it was beginning to look like not only was it not going to go the way I wanted, but I was going to have to endure the things I absolutely wanted to avoid at any cost.

So I was mad. And then Glen comes in and tells me he's called Susie and she's on her way. So now I'm really frustrated. I can't even sit there and feel sorry for myself think through things and talk myself out of my pity party. I was slightly irritated with Glen, but he was concerned, and knows how I always put off calling the midwife, so he just took charge. It had to be done, I know it, but I was not happy about it.

So she comes. She tells me about the whole "water broken for 24 hours" thing which I already know, so we decide that "officially" my water didn't really break until I woke up from that nap around 3, so we'll give it until noon to see if labor is progressing. If not, I'll need to go to the hospital. Oh, and by the way, hospitals around here won't even do pitocin once it's been 24 hours. Automatic c-section. No pressure or anything. Ugh.

So she gives me some homeopathic stuff, has me use the br**st pump, and threatens me with castor oil or an enema if nothing happens. She really is quite nice about it, but I'm mad. Outwardly I'm agreeing, but inwardly I'm thinking yeah right. I'd rather just go to the hospital, refuse a c-section, get an epidural and have a nice pain free birth. I mean, by now all my desires are out the window, so why not just go all the way? I seriously spent the next hour thinking about how I was going to tell my midwife I wanted to go the hospital if she told me I needed to try castor oil or an enema. And I was serious.

Well, let me tell you. All that talk about n**ple stimulation (sorry, dad) bringing on contractions? It's true. It works, and it works fast. Within five minutes of using the pump I was having intense "I changed my mind about this whole no drug thing" contractions four to five minutes apart. They gave me some iv antibiotics to be on the safe side since my water had been broken for so long. (Which was so much easier than at the hospital. She slid the little needle in, just held it there for about fifteen minutes, then slid it out. No tape and I didn't have to leave it in during labor. So nice.)

So things are progressing. And then Susie realizes that once again, my baby is posterior. Now I'm really mad. Not only did I not get to gradually go into labor during the night, but I'm not going to get to labor comfortabally. No, I get to lay in all kinds of uncomfortable baby-turning positions while having intense contractions close together. I'm okay with it as I do not want to try and push out a baby turned backwards, but I'm still mad about the whole situation. She does finally let me get into the bath for awhile, but when I get out, I have to try and get the baby to turn still. I couldn't even lay back in the bath, I had to sit up straight. And I had too much tea tree oil in the water so every time I would have a contraction I would lay my head down on the side of the tub, but I couldn't breathe because it was too strong.

And all this time I'm retreating further and further into myself. You moms know how it is. You kind of get locked in your brain. I was obsessing over how miserable I was, how mad I was, trying to figure out if and how I could tell Susie I really just wanted to go to the hospital, and telling myself over and over that next time, I really, really, really AM going to the hospital. And that I'm not going to forget how much I want to just get an epidural next time. Really, I do. Finally, I remembered that I had asked the Lord for a verse or two to remember during labor, but by this time I couldn't really get them straight in my head, so they kept meshing with another. Really, I think this was the Holy Spirit giving me encouragement though as the way they went together was really sweet, and very encouraging when I could manage to remember it.

You know, it only takes a paragraph to write in black and white what was going through my head, but it was really intense and mentally very difficult. I guess it lasted about two and half hours or so of this feeling of contraction after contraction, with these thoughts chasing one another through my brain and my going back and forth between being mad and trying to gather my thoughts and remind myself of Scripture. I was very quiet, I don't make much noise during labor and don't like to talk unless I have to, but inwardly my mind was overwhelmed.

I got out of the tub, Susie checked me and I was almost complete, with a lip. (Does that happen to every mother giving birth naturally? It seems there is always a lip. "Just wait a little longer, you're almost there, just a little lip.") Susie figured this was because she was still backwards so that her head couldn't put proper pressure to finish dilating. So I resume lying on my side in Susie's highly effective baby-turning positions. (They work, they really do.) Finally, I feel this tremendous pulling and turning sensation during about three contractions. Grace is turning into the proper position, and I can certainly feel it. You could literally watch her turning around as my stomach contorted strangely.

As soon as she finished turning, I had the urge to push. I had to push for about twenty minutes, which is longer than with any of my other children, but oddly, it didn't hurt. It felt good to be able to finally push and know the end was near. I was finally going to have my Grace. I didn't even realize her head was out until Susie told me her shoulder was stuck and to push really hard. That took a few more pushes, and then finally, that feeling of immense relief when you feel them slide completely out. She was perfect, and beautiful.

Immediately following the birth, I had the whole violent leg shaking thing which is so odd, but is calmed by warm blankets fresh from the dryer (yay for being at home!) and I was exhausted. Usually I'm actually quite perky after birth for awhile, but this time I was mentally worn out and just wanted everyone to leave. I have had people at my births before, but have learned that I really prefer to just be alone. It doesn't even really matter to me so much if Glen is there which I'm sure most people will think is really strange, especially since we have such a sweet and wonderful relationship, but I just completely withdraw into myself during labor so I don't even really notice anyone except for Susie telling me what to do. This time, Anna and Glen were there, but that was all. I always tell my Aunt (who is like my Mom) and sisters that I'm planning on having them, "but will have to see," but this time I didn't have anyone since it began under weird circumstances, was immediately intense, and I was just plain mad the whole time. Anna, having missed Haven's falling out since she ran to get everyone else, refused to budge from the room the entire time, and she was actually a huge help to not only me while I was pushing, but also to Susie. Even if she did talk her ear off :o) (Me: "Anna, if you can't stop talking, you are going to have to leave!") :o)

I was telling some friends yesterday the whole thing was so surreal. I can see myself lying there pushing, but in my mind, my bed was almost all the way against the wall, it felt like the wall was right in front of my face. In reality, I was a good seven or eight feet away from the wall probably, but in my memory my bed is moved completely over. Very weird. The whole thing is like one long, slow motion memory where I'm going back and forth between the real world and my own thoughts. Very much like something you would see in a movie. It was very strange to experience it in real life.

So that's why it has taken me so long to process it. It actually took me a long time to figure out why I was so frustrated and mad the whole time and why it felt so much harder when it really wasn't. I just couldn't make the mental - emotional connection. I guess it is just another lesson in me not being able to control everything in life and learning to be okay with that. I very much want to have another baby, I very much want to have another home birth (funny how quickly we forget,) and next time, I hope I can remember how huge a part my mental outlook plays in how easy or difficult labor feels and that I can just go with it.

So that's my story. Sorry it took so long ;o)

And for those of you (like me) that love birth stories, my other ones are here.

of sweetie pies and snuggles~

Well, I would apologize for being scarce, but truthfully...I'm not sorry, not one little bit :o)

I've been busy, you know.

Doing what, you ask?

Well....

I've been watching as a sweet little girl discovers her world. Marveling at perfection wrapped up in the form of sweet smelling baby smells, tiny newborn diapers, and lots of snuggly pink pajamas.

Watching older brothers learn the art of comforting a baby in awkward boyish arms and older sisters swoop in at the first cry of distress.

Almost wishing for tiny baby cries to give me an excuse to snuggle down in the covers for a nap.

Delighting in a tiny body scrunching up into a yawn and a stretch that seems much too big for such a little girl.

Encouraging the use of a thumb in a hopeful attempt to avoid the paci addiction that plagues our house to this day.

And changing diapers, lots of diapers. And being reminded of that curious newborn quirk of filling a clean diaper as soon as you snap that last snap.

Rubbing my nose in super soft, jet black baby hair, anxiously awaiting the day there's enough to justify the use of a cute barette.

Delighting in the miracle of satiny baby palms wrapped around my finger, holding on for dear life.

Listening to baby breaths and tiny baby sighs.

Kissing perfectly round baby cheeks and imprinting the feel of their fulness in my heart.

Storing up memories of the size and feel of a newborn sleeping flopped over my shoulder or snuggled against me with milk running down the sides of her cheek.

Laughing at all those silly faces babies make in their sleep and wondering how I could have ever forgotten about them.

The look of a milk-drunk baby, completely satisfied and oblivious to the laughs and kisses surrounding her.

Rescuing her from well meaning three year olds and almost two year olds.

Reminding myself that "this too shall pass" and not knowing if I should be comforted or grieved...a little of both, I suppose.

Wishing I could just stop time and wondering how I'll ever deal with the days when there are no more of my own babies to hold and thinking I need to be strongly encouraging my children to have lots of children and live close by.

Being overwhelmed with gratitude that she is here, and perfect, when she came so close to being lost.

Trying really, really hard to sear this time into my memory so as to recall with perfect clarity what these days are like. Telling myself I will not forget...I will not forget...

********************

The days and weeks following the birth of our babies are probably my favorite times in life. I can't find words to describe it, but it's as if there is a bubble surrounding that time, it almost feels sacred. Of course after the birth of my first, and probably my second, it was much more difficult and felt overwhelming, but since then it's always just a time of being still, in body and spirit, and I treasure each of those times and memories.

One of the greatest benefits to me of having so many babies is how normal it begins to feel :o) With each baby I am able to relax more, take all the hormone fluctuations in stride (for the most part!), and just spend time enjoying each new little person. The laundry can wait, the blogging can wait, everything can wait. I have learned that that sweet, snuggly newborn stage is so fleeting that I just want to take it all in, store it up in my heart, and revel in it. Even now, each new day, I wish I could just re-live it. I so wish I could just stop time, right here, today, right now. It's going to pass by so fast and I can hardly stand it. I could just stay here, snuggling this tiny baby body, forever. She's already almost eleven pounds! I just need time to slow down, please...just for awhile.

********************

I am always amazed at how all of our babies look so much alike, even the boys and girls. Check out this first photo of Grace, and then the following one of Haven. It's a good thing I've labeled all our baby photos, because there are so many photos that if I hadn't labeled them, I would have no idea who it was. Especially among the boys who have passed down a lot of outfits.

Her first trip out...five days old, going to church on Saturday night.

Baby Grace and her polka dot pajamas :o)

So now you all know where I've been and what I've been doing. You also probably know why I keep having babies :o)

Birth story to follow soon...promise.

baby grace~

Grace Rose
Monday, 13 April 2009
1:40 pm
21 inches
9lbs 8oz

She's here! And 12 days early! And 9lbs 8oz at 12 days early!

And labor? Well....I don't want to talk about it.

Birth story and better photos to (hopefully) to follow in the next few days.

I don't have any really good photos yet. Hopefully I'll feel like finding the camera wherever the kids stuck it this morning and putting forth some energy to get some good photos. Right now, all I want to do is sleep :o)

Sunday morning after my water broke.

Mommy, Haven, and baby Grace

A very proud and excited big brother

week 36baby grace~

Finally, finally, I have been getting some things accomplished. The last two Sundays have been massive cooking days (we go to church Saturday night) and that seemed to kick me into gear. It takes me quite awhile to recover from my endeavors, but I can safely say I've reached the point where the house is in a nearly constant state of order (do you know how good that feels?), although there is some more deep cleaning I would still like to accomplish. (Did I mention that my birthday gift was to have two friends that clean on the side come to clean my bathrooms scrub my floors do those things on my list that I really, really didn't want to do clean those things that are just a little too hard for me to do comfortably right now? Have I mentioned what an awesome husband I have?) In the past these are things I've done myself, but this time it's been such a blessing to have help.

Anyway, for my own future reference...

Physical Update:

I know it sounds silly, but throughout all of my pregnancies I have never really just stood there and stared at my belly in the mirror. I did that for the first time the other night. Wow! Pregnancy really is amazing. People have always commented on how my belly just sticks out in front, I don't look pregnant from the back, etc. etc. but I've never paid much attention. It really does look like that. Like I have this attachment on the front of me :o) I also have very bad stretch marks, which I already knew. I've had them since Anna. I guess that's what happens when you stretch out a 17 year old body with an almost 9lb baby and don't bother to use lotion or anything. Oh well.

The baby is low. As in I'm beginning to get that she could fall out anytime feeling. (If only it were that easy.) My feet are swollen almost all the time which has resulted in not just a few laughs from Glen. Have I mentioned that I have never been swollen before? Ever. And Glen really likes my feet. At least he's smart enough to know it will go away. (And he's smart enough to not make moo-ing sounds at me anymore. He learned that with Anna.)

Susie, the midwife, and her assistant came over the other night. I'm measuring a couple of weeks big. Hopefully that means an earlier baby! I so hope I'm not setting myself up again for a month long waiting game. I just keep thinking my girls were early, so this one has got to be early. Next Friday will be the day Moriah came, so I can't help but have the date in my head. I'm not expecting it then, but that's when I feel that I enter that "it could be any time" territory. Sometimes being a planner has its downfalls. **sigh** I mean, I'm the person that reads the ends of books first and reads the movie spoilers before watching movies. I really, really like to know things. Like a lot. (And I kind of think an Easter baby would be really neat! Some of my babies have been born very close to Jewish holidays so I'm thinking Passover?? And I keep meaning to spend some time thinking about and praying about this; I know Moriah coming so early definitely had something to do with her being born on Rosh Hashanah and us entering into a new season of our life. Her name is tied into it as well and I am excited to see how the Lord unfolds all of that as she grows older.) But anyway, Passover is the 9th, and Anna and I have a Mommy and Me fun day planned for the 10th. As you can see, I drive myself (and others) a little nuts when I get to this point ;o)

Really, though, I am in better spirits and feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago. I have a distinct waddle and move very slowly, but overall I am feeling pretty good. My iron is really low and I've been working diligently to raise my hemoglobin levels for a few weeks now, but they seem to be stuck regardless of what I eat and what supplements I take. But I feel okay, so that is definitely a plus :o)

Freezer Tally:

6 meatloaves (yep, with hidden zucchini again...shhh)

4 chicken casseroles

3 sesame chicken

3 chicken enchiladas

2 bags chicken in raspberry walnut vinagarette

2 bags chicken in some other marinade I can't remember :o)

4 bags beef brisket

15lbs browned hamburger with onions

10c. cooked, shredded chicken

some hot dogs and beef smoked sausage for easy, fast meals (i know, i know...yuck. but i have kids, people. kids)

turkey bacon & turkey sausage

16 lbs chicken tenders

we still have a huge amount of beef from the cow we split with my dad

a ridiculous amount of frozen veggies

a stack of pizzas and gluten free pizza crusts

frozen waffles & french toast sticks

I'm playing with the idea of making more brisket and possibly some chicken pot pies. For some reason my cooking felt more difficult and didn't produce as many meals as usual. Maybe I made larger portions than before? This time I froze all the meals in disposable pans that stack and that made a huge difference in the organization of my freezer. I will definitely stick with this method from now on. I didn't make any soups like I did back before fall began. We just don't eat as much of that stuff in the summer. We'll probably rely a lot on grilling since we have quite a bit of the cow and a lot of chicken. Grilling is easy...and yummy!

Pantry Stocking (food and paper supplies):

If you're interested in my obsessive compulsive efforts to have a well stocked pantry prior to having a baby, the list of what I've stored is in the sidebar.

Cleaning Left to Finish:

Just for my own sake, this is my list of what I want to finish up:

*baseboards, windows, sills in dining room

*mr clean magic eraser dining room

*clean top of refrigerator

*windows, sills, baseboards in school room

*wipe down doors/trim in school room

*baseboards in foyer

*front door glass and trim

*clean air intake

*mr clean eraser wall behind school room door

*scrub laundry room floor

*baseboards, windows, sills in living room

*window trim in living room

*move green chair upstairs

*baseboards in area by master bedroom

*mr clean eraser by master bedroom

*dust living room

*baseboards master bedroom

*dust master bedroom

Other:

*deal with flower bed by front porch

*clean off deck

*go through files in desk

*put away coats, etc. in attic

*dust desk

*go through birth supplies and purchase any last minute items

*get baby stuff from sister

*talk glen into taking bookcases to attic figure out what to do with the blue bookcases

*get photos for frame above fireplace?

*picture frames in bedroom?

*make & laminate new "how to" cleaning lists for the kids

*girl day with anna (nails, waxing (me, not anna!) , car cleaned out, etc.)

*clean up gravel around basement and backyard

I guess that's it. Now I'm going to bed.

Goodnight.