a conclusion...for now~

I haven't responded yet to the other thoughts I've been having regarding the post. There are several reasons, the least of which is not the awful yuckiness I am currently feeling. Thankfully, I have never actually gotten sick with any of my pregnancies, but if it would bring some relief and then I could be done with it, that might be preferable to the constant extreme fatigue and nauseousness I've been having. I am feeling far worse with this pregnancy than with any of my other ones. I know, I know, I asked for it, so I just need to buck up and take it like a man woman. Boy am I thankful I made all those meals. Now, if I can just remember before 4pm that my family would appreciate dinner and drag myself down to the basement to actually retrive one we'll be good.

The other reasons are many. We've been running around to the doctor, and on the days when we haven't, I'm trying to feel good and accomplish things that are core values around here, food, laundry, school :o) But mainly, the reason why, is that I've been doing a lot of thinking. Serious thinking. There are a few more things I want to respond to, but I will do that through the comment section of that post, as I don't feel this would be the proper place.

There are, however, a few things I do want to mention and some things I've been thinking about. Let me say, first, that I have felt I should apologize for the comments I made regarding Obama's brother and his wife's comments regarding the surplus checks. They were kind of below the belt, and I'm sorry. I don't know the real story behind either, and even though I commented on them in sort of a sarcastic way, I ought not have. I apologize.

Secondly, I've been questioning myself on why I blog. There are several reasons. One, that I mention often, is just I guess you would say for posterity. I've always had good intentions of journaling my children's childhoods, but after ten years of never actually doing it, blogging has been an excellent way for me to not only record life, but also photos :o)

Another reason that I blog is that I have a heart to encourage moms. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Life was very difficult for me when I was a young -er mom, and I often prayed for friends and older women to come alongside me. I know the Father has shown me He had reasons for keeping me in such a solitary and sheltered place during that time of my life, mainly so I could grow intimate with Him, and learn from Him, but it was a very difficult season of life, and I have a heart to encourage moms that whatever they are doing for the least of these, they are doing for Him. That it is valuable. I want moms (and dads) to get a multi-generational view of raising and discipling children. I am still very much a work in progress myself, so I'm finding my place in that and learning what that is to look like.

Another reason is that I am increasingly finding myself alone in my beliefs. Beliefs that I believe, if the Church would grab hold of, could effect the nation profoundly, in just one generation. Not just have a lot of kids kind of change, but a return to the Church functioning in society as she was created to. I can find plenty of like-minded people online (such a love/hate relationship I have with my laptop,) but in real life, I am quickly learning that my convictions and beliefs are not so much the same as my friends around me. These are not easy, nor are they lightly held beliefs. They are the ones that fly in the face of our culture, our life decisions, and comfort levels. They are the ones that challenge me daily, and offend many. I'm not sure where to go with those. I don't want to offend, I don't want to lose friends, and I want to, as much as it depends on me, keep peace. But I believe the Church has become entirely too wishy-washy and non-confrontational, and we, as Christians, are called to speak the truth in love. We are called to be salt and light. Salt does not feel good in a wound, but it does heal if you choose to allow it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to have the truth in all things and everyone else is wrong, but there are strongly held convictions that I have come to have gradually over the last few years, and had I been exposed to them earlier, would have consciously held them sooner. I've had my mind and my heart opened to ideas and beliefs that I was previously in ignorance of. Long ago I told God I wanted His way, and wanted to know His Truth, regardless of the personal cost to me. I think often we have to be willing to let God into those places, those sacred cows that we all have, and we have to open the door to Him. He doesn't barge in and knock it down. I still have some of those places that I hold onto, that are a constant fight to surrender. I often give them up, only to take them back minutes later. So please, don't think that I think I'm perfect. I am painfully aware of my failings and sin, and often I'm preaching to myself.

With that said, I believe the Church needs to be challenged, that we need to examine Scripture for ourselves, and there are some ancient paths we need to return to. How much of that has a place here, on this blog, and now, is something I'm still pondering and praying about. I am really good at hunting down and passing on information, but articulating my own beliefs is quite a bit harder for me. I am also guilty of relying too much on what I think, or what I've read, without actually examining it in light of Scripture. That is one of the things I feel the Lord has really been challenging me on lately. He's been telling me to put down all of my parenting books, home schooling books, blogging friends' advice, and return to that place of learning from Him. I often fill up my mind so much with what other people say, that there is no room for me to hear what He is saying.

Anyway, I'll probably bring up some things, others I might not. I did enjoy the discussion type forum that the other post took on, sort of, but most of you are my friends in real life, and I don't like disagreement and I didn't like the way a lot of my time was taken up with obsessing over everyone's comments.

Now that I've taken up all my time writing this, I'll have to find another time to write my final thoughts over in the comments.

Finding my place...