longing fulfilled and the flipside of quiverfull~

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I tend to find myself in the quiverfull camp. Leaving it up to the Lord to give us the children He wants us to have, in His timing. That's the flipside. The His timing part. It's easy to say you're trusting the Lord in your family size when you want another baby. It's easy to say you're trusting the Lord when you're not getting pregnant and you really don't want to be right now. It's a whole new ballgame to say you're trusting the Lord and His plans look different from what "I" want.

That's where I've found myself the past three weeks. Without giving too much information, let's just say that I knew that there was going to be a very strong likelihood that I could fall pregnant this last month. Several opportunities, if you know what I mean ;o) Once I hit that two week mark in my cycle, I was a woman with an obsession. I recently learned that pregnancy tests from the Dollar Tree are one of the most sensitive tests you can buy, so at only $1 each, I could find out pretty early. As that twenty-eight day mark grew closer and closer, I began to suspect that I was not pregnant. I was fine with that. Disappointed some, but fine.

I began talking to the Lord about it a little bit. One of the things I felt like He was wanting me to see, was that the concept of truly trusting Him, whatever that might look like, encompassed trusting His timing for another baby as well as the fact that He controls my womb, not me. You see, I've been one of those women (thankfully!) that people joke gets pregnant when my husband looks at me. Our first five children were all 20 months apart, and then Noah and Haven are 22 months apart. My life tends to be very mathematical and symmetrical (kind of feeds my ocd tendancies as well,) so I was kind of thinking I would probably have babies 22 months apart again. I think the Father was wanting me to see that yes, symmetry in my life is one of the ways He works in me and speaks to me, but He controls that, not me. In short, I couldn't make myself get pregnant, and I needed to be okay with it if He had other plans. Glen's desire to possibly wait longer play into my feelings in this as well. Of course, he was okay with the strong possibility of getting pregnant, but as you all know, he would be okay to have a bigger space.

So, day twenty-eight arrives. Nothing. My cycles are still a little funny since Haven, but a negative pregnancy test nonetheless. I'm thinking by this point if I'm pregnant, it should show up. Day thirty. Wake up to find that yes, I am starting. Totally okay with that. The fact that when we do eventually get pregnant it will be our largest space yet between children crosses my mind, but the idea of a break is okay. I'm about to start school back up, and let's face it, early pregnancy isn't usually the picture of energy :o)

Fast forward six days. Period over. I'm thinking I sure am feeling sensitive when Noah nurses and I've wanted a nap three days in a row. Weird. I did just have a surprise motel slumber party with Anna and two of her cousins (read: up really late, lots of giggling, swimming, planning, pulling off the surprise, etc.), so I'm entitled to be sleepy. Plus I was sick last week. But I should be over all that by now.

So I'm thinking I've heard of women that have a period while pregnant. It's never happened to me, but there's a first time for everything. I have three Dollar Tree tests left over, so I decided might as well. Of course, my mind is weighing all the possibilities at this point. I'm having reminders of my last post when I surrendered to being okay with God's plan for my life, even if that looked different from my desires, and how after that, He fulfilled the desire of my heart. Maybe He brought me through a place like that, only to surprise me :o)

Three tests later. Six pink lines.

Yep. That's right. The 2009 Baby Hutchison model is set to debut in April :o)

(I do want to add on that I do have some concern over whether or not my period could have actually been a miscarriage and I still just have enough pregnancy hormone to cause a positive test. That could be the case. Either way, I am trusting the Father and feeling overwhelming thankful that He has blessed us with a new little life. He is the Father, the Creator, and the Author of Life. He is my Father, and I am trusting in Him...)