12 January 2011

a bit of news~


Anyone on facebook has experienced the obsession with coming up with clever status updates. (Unless you haven't. Then I will feel stupid. Please tell me I'm not the only one.)

I will confess I spent a bit of time wondering what I would say on facebook when (if) we found out we were pregnant again.

I don't know...*is* eight enough? (Remember the old tv show?)

Announcing that developmental plans are in the works for Hutchison model #8, set to debut in September 2011.

So, wondering if the pattern will hold...

That was definitely two pink lines.


Honestly I was in a state of shock so the only one I could come up with at the time was the pattern. I didn't even announce it the same day but that was still all I could come up with. People caught on right away though. So funny. I don't know any other family that has a pattern going on like we do, so we'll see. Actually, we kind of "need" to fulfill two patterns. With conflicting genders. While our immediate family pattern is girl, boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl... Glen's extended family has girls born in groups of three. We have Grace, my sweet sister in law Elizabeth is having her first girl after five boys, so we really need another girl to keep that pattern going. ;) I actually have a solution for that that doesn't involve twins.

In related news....

I mentioned I was in a bit of shock when I found out I was pregnant again. Silly? Probably so. I had thought if I were going to be pregnant that I would be able to find out at Christmas. The kids have been saying they really want to have another baby so I thought I'd do a test on Christmas so we could tell them then if I was. In theory, I should have been able to have a positive test then, but I didn't. It was negative. So I just put the thought out of my mind. Even though I felt the Lord had told me I would be pregnant in December. But more on that later. It didn't occur to me until last week that I was pretty late. So I got a test out of my Dollar Tree stash (doesn't everyone have a pregnancy test stash?) and when it turned positive I proceeded to use the other three tests as well as having Glen pick up another two pack of tests on the way home. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who requires at least four tests in order to believe it's real...)

I'm kind of making light about this, but the reason I was in a bit of shock is actually quite important. To just lay it out there, Glen and I had just begun the process of adopting a little girl in Eastern Europe that has down syndrome. I hope to do a whole post on it soon (famous last words) but there is so much there that I don't really want to bog this post down with it. Suffice it to say that it was a somewhat sudden decision (we had adoption in the back of our minds and had almost moved on it a few years ago right before we found out we were pregnant with Haven) but it wasn't currently on the horizon. Or so we thought. Until we learned of an organization called Reece's Rainbow. I'll write more on them separately as well, but we had sponsored a little girl in their Christmas Angel Tree program and right at Christmas Glen and I both very strongly felt like the Lord was leading us to move forward in adopting her. The way it came about is really amazing to us and I cannot describe to you how my heart immediately opened to her like one of my own children. I know there are a lot of problems with the "rescue mentality" in adoption and while I understand that, when it comes to the Reece's Rainbow kids and others like them, there is most definitely an element of "rescue" to it. I'm not educated enough to talk about it much, but I will provide some details in a follow up post.

So needless to say, finding out I was pregnant was a bit of a shock. We had taken a pretty big first financial step but now we are finding out that the pregnancy is going to quite possibly put those plans on hold. I'm going to be really honest when I say this has been extraordinarily difficult for me. I never really understood what it was to wrestle with God. And while I know many people are in much more difficult "wrestlings" that doesn't negate my feeling like I've been ripped apart emotionally. I have worked through quite a bit of it, but every time I get some new information that takes us closer to having to wait and further away from this precious little one I feel like a wound is being ripped open. I have walked in sweet relationship with the Father long enough to know I can absolutely, one hundred percent trust Him and His plan and that His ways are higher than mine and He sees the big picture while I do not. But that doesn't make it feel much better.

So while I very much rejoice at the new little life He is giving us, a part of my heart is grieving for a little girl worlds away that is going to possibly have to wait a while longer for her family. And part of that grief is the knowledge that it may not actually be in the Lord's big picture for us to be her family. And while I most definitely want His will for her life to be accomplished, a part of me is sad to think that might look different than what I desire. I know He doesn't make mistakes, and I know He has a plan for both of these little ones' lives, I just wish I could see the whole thing. Right now would be good.

Sorry this sounds like such a downer update. My emotions are still really just kind of raw feeling and all over the place. But we are very much excited at the idea of a new baby. And a 2 1/2 year gap between kids? Whatever are we going to do? ;)

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4 comments:

Amanda Conley said...

Congratulations Shyla!

Tufford Family said...

Congrats....I am so happy for your family..what a blessing...I hope you are feeling good...God bless, Heidi

Sarah Penagos said...

Congrats, Friend! I've just learned quite a bit about you. Sorry it's been so long but I have news of my own for you. NOT BABY NEWS :o) My new address is Chattanooga...

Rebekah said...

Shyla, it has been a long time since I have stopped by your blog, and I see you have big news! Congratulations on this new precious baby. I will have to tell you that I have walked right where you are walking. We have been pursuing adoption for several years and have had many disappointments and grieved severely with each one. We have had doors shut on us in Nicaragua with children we had held in our arms. We had extreme disappointment with foster care. After this we cautiously began a process for domestic adoption through our local agency, only to learn the Lord was blessing us with a child of my womb. We were thrilled and were still willing to adopt, but the agency put everything on hold. We were heartbroken again. And ready to throw in the towel.

Well, one year ago when our baby was 6 months old, our social worker suggested we look at one of their international programs. We hesitated but investigated. The rest is HIStory! We are now just a few weeks from going to China for our TWO new sons.

It has been a long and painful road. No one can really understand the grief and loss unless
they have been there. I just could not understand why God had put the desire on our hearts but wasn't bringing it to fruition. But here we are, and I am praising Him for it all. I think after all
the disappointments and shut doors, it seems all
the more sweeter and definitely seems from the hand of God.

Praying for you,
Rebekah, a MOMYS in AL

"How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about arithmetic, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness." ~GK Chesterton

2012 November

2012 November