not me monday~

I stumbled upon another meme that looked like it would be fun to participate in (here is me grinning sheepishly.) Seeing as how blogging allows me to present my life exactly how I want you to see it, and not necessarily what it's really like around here, I've kind of been making an effort in every day life to let people know that my home and my mothering is not a model of perfection. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. So anyway, I thought it might be kind of fun to participate ;o) It's hosted by MckMama at My Charming Kids, who is kind of a kindred spirit as she just had her fourth baby in five years of marriage. Her newest baby, Stellan, was completely and miraculously healed of a serious heart condition. It's worth your time to go over there and browse around. She has a great personality, it's lots of fun to read her blog.

So...

This week it did not take us four nights to get through the new Indiana Jones movie because I kept falling asleep. Not me...

I did not keep falling asleep because I stayed out at my friend's house after book club until 1am knowing that I could nap the next day because my fabulous sister was taking and picking up my kids from school. I would never be so irresponsible.

I did not go to five stores after a homeschool moms group on Thursday night looking to replace a Signing Time video that occupies Haven for ridiculous amounts of time so I can get things done teaches Haven a valuable skill that he just happens to love. Oh no, not me.

I did not sneak in a massage and a manicure (and not tell anyone) on Wednesday when my aunt was keeping my kids so I could "run errands" and get pregnancy blood work done. I'm not sneaky like that.

I did not make my bed for the first time in a month because my family was coming over for birthdays. You guys know my house is spotlessly clean all the time. I'm Wonder Woman, remember?

I did not eat an entire bag of sour lifesaver gummies and then some peanut m & ms yesterday while planning the next six weeks of school. There were raw veggies in that bag. Promise.

I did not lie there pretending to be asleep when Haven woke up during the night this week. Moms never do things like that.

I didn't go all week without a shower because I was just too busy, and I did not wash my hair in the sink where it might clog up the disposal. Not me.

I didn't convince my husband to go out to dinner and dessert Friday night so I wouldn't have to cook so we could visit with my Dad who we hadn't seen in a few months.

I did not go to sleep without brushing my teeth twice this week because I was just so tired.

I did not skip the women's expo at church because I was afraid I would hurt my friends' feelings if I didn't buy their stuff. (Sorry guys, I kind of have issues with stuff like this. *sigh*)

I did not finish the chocolate birthday cake during breakfast last week when no one was looking. Not me, I wonder where it went?

I did not throw all the questionable sippy cups in the sink for Anna and Caleb to deal with when they clean up. Not me. I don't do things like that. That would be mean, and I'm never mean.

I do not give Haven a handful of mini m&ms after dinner most nights so that I can have a few more minutes before he gets down and starts running around everywhere.

I'm not sitting here eating peanut m&ms because I never put them away last night.

I'm not sitting here wasting time when I should be doing something productive. Oh no, my house is totally clean, dinner is in the crockpot, and my children are outside harvesting fresh vegetables from our fall garden. Really.

I didn't let the kids watch tv all week since I was exhausted from camping, the time change, and staying out too late two nights.

I didn't take the whole week off from school for "school planning week" and then wait until Sunday to do all of it. Not me. I am. on. top. of. things...don't ya know?

I am not still on my chips dipped in pickle juice kick. Not me.

I do not drink 3qts of tea a day.

I do not put so much lemon in my water that it's unsweetened lemonade and looks like dirty water.

I did not blow my nose on the bottom edge of my shirt during the night because I forgot to get out new kleenex. That would have been gross. I got up, retrieved a a new box, and did things properly. Promise.

I did not get into a borderline catty email fight with a woman who refuses to let me try her "miracle vitamins" unless I listen to her hour long mlm speech. Not me.

I did not sort, fold, and put all the girl clothes in drawers this week, a full five and a half months before the baby is due. That was not me. I'm not obsessive like that.

I did not pay my children a combined total of $20 yesterday to do all the deep cleaning jobs. Didn't you know my full name is Shyla June Cleaver?

I've not already had hot tea, lemon water, two pieces of toast, a bowl of chicken soup, and a ridiculous amount of m&ms already this morning. And I am not getting ready to eat a turkey sandwich with chips dipped in pickle juice. I don't get weird pregnancy cravings

.I am not sitting here ignoring the fact that my children have all disappeared and it's technically school time. Oh no, I never do things like that.

And I am not sitting here extraordinarily happy that my sister is not going to California so she can take my kids to and from school tomorrow. I'm really sad for her, even though she gets to fly for free and just went to France. Poor girl.

And as a result, I'm not going to have to convince their teachers that I, not my sister, is really my children's mother because since the whole bedrest thing happened she has taken and picked them up from school every week. Not me. I'm the involved parent.

What did you not do?