the funk of selfishness~

I've been in a funk. It really started the day Grace was born. Now don't misunderstand, I've been blissfully happy, enjoying my sweet-smelling bundle of joy, most definitely. But a little part of me got grumpy the minute I realized she was on her way, and that nagging feeling of quiet frustration has been growing little by little until I realized I was moping around, quite sullen and withdrawn, and couldn't pinpoint why.

At first I though, postpartum hormones? Many of you know that I get hit with postpartum depression when my babies are 3-4 months old (Although not horribly severe, it is still depression and not fun. It helps that I've learned what my body does, can watch for it, and recently came across some information that I hope to try this time around should it sneak up on me again.) But it was too early for that. She's only six week old.

coming soon~

I know, I know. I keep promising to post Grace's birth story. I have started it twice, both times spending over half an hour on it, only to have blogger lock up on me and cause the entire thing to be lost. I'm thinking that means I'm supposed to wait for some reason.

So just know that I'm trying, and I do hope to get it written very soon.

And hi to my Dad, who I just found out read my blog! So Dad, now you need to leave me a comment. You can either get a google account (pretty easy) to comment anonymously and just sign it "Dad." So now we can actually talk. And send me your email if you have one :o)

mr. charming(everyone needs a three year old)

Because yes, we do have other children besides our newest sweetie :o)

Remember this guy? Mr. Charming? Seriously. Do you see why we call him that? This is 100% Noah, all. the. time.

Okay, okay. Most of the time.

This past week he has just been full of himself. I wish had written down more of what he's been up to, but you know how that goes. These are just a couple that I remember...

**Noah: "Mom, I think you're super-delicious!"

**Noah to Glen and I while we were watching 24 and had told him it was a grown up show that he couldn't watch: "Well, can I just come lay down on the bed and look at Mommy's pretty face?"

**I had asked Noah to go check on Grace and make sure she was okay. A few minutes later, Anna came in holding Grace and told me she had found her with a pillow laid on top of her head and a blanket covering her and the pillow. Upon investigation, I was informed Noah was "just hiding her." Thus, another Parenting Tip... (feel free to check out all my previous Parenting Tips :o)

Parenting Tip # 13

Reserve the job of checking on the baby for a child over the age of three. If you feel the need to send your three year old to check on the baby, send an older child to check on the three year old who is "checking on the baby."

Parenting Tip #14 / Baby Proofing 101:

Make sure your three year old understands the importance of clear, unobstructed airways.

And last, but not least, remember her; Miss Precocious? The one who has recently been de-throned as the baby girl of the family?

Me: "So, Moriah, you think I'm skinny now?"

Moriah: "Uh, (much longer pause than needed), ask me again when your stomach is not so fat."

And this conversation was not at all reminiscent of one we had two summers ago. (Mind you, she was three when this took place.)

Me: (Trying on a maternity bathing suit and looking in the mirror.)

Moriah: "Mom, you look soooo not cool."

Thanks, Moriah, that was really helpful. :o)

of sweetie pies and snuggles~

Well, I would apologize for being scarce, but truthfully...I'm not sorry, not one little bit :o)

I've been busy, you know.

Doing what, you ask?

Well....

I've been watching as a sweet little girl discovers her world. Marveling at perfection wrapped up in the form of sweet smelling baby smells, tiny newborn diapers, and lots of snuggly pink pajamas.

Watching older brothers learn the art of comforting a baby in awkward boyish arms and older sisters swoop in at the first cry of distress.

Almost wishing for tiny baby cries to give me an excuse to snuggle down in the covers for a nap.

Delighting in a tiny body scrunching up into a yawn and a stretch that seems much too big for such a little girl.

Encouraging the use of a thumb in a hopeful attempt to avoid the paci addiction that plagues our house to this day.

And changing diapers, lots of diapers. And being reminded of that curious newborn quirk of filling a clean diaper as soon as you snap that last snap.

Rubbing my nose in super soft, jet black baby hair, anxiously awaiting the day there's enough to justify the use of a cute barette.

Delighting in the miracle of satiny baby palms wrapped around my finger, holding on for dear life.

Listening to baby breaths and tiny baby sighs.

Kissing perfectly round baby cheeks and imprinting the feel of their fulness in my heart.

Storing up memories of the size and feel of a newborn sleeping flopped over my shoulder or snuggled against me with milk running down the sides of her cheek.

Laughing at all those silly faces babies make in their sleep and wondering how I could have ever forgotten about them.

The look of a milk-drunk baby, completely satisfied and oblivious to the laughs and kisses surrounding her.

Rescuing her from well meaning three year olds and almost two year olds.

Reminding myself that "this too shall pass" and not knowing if I should be comforted or grieved...a little of both, I suppose.

Wishing I could just stop time and wondering how I'll ever deal with the days when there are no more of my own babies to hold and thinking I need to be strongly encouraging my children to have lots of children and live close by.

Being overwhelmed with gratitude that she is here, and perfect, when she came so close to being lost.

Trying really, really hard to sear this time into my memory so as to recall with perfect clarity what these days are like. Telling myself I will not forget...I will not forget...

********************

The days and weeks following the birth of our babies are probably my favorite times in life. I can't find words to describe it, but it's as if there is a bubble surrounding that time, it almost feels sacred. Of course after the birth of my first, and probably my second, it was much more difficult and felt overwhelming, but since then it's always just a time of being still, in body and spirit, and I treasure each of those times and memories.

One of the greatest benefits to me of having so many babies is how normal it begins to feel :o) With each baby I am able to relax more, take all the hormone fluctuations in stride (for the most part!), and just spend time enjoying each new little person. The laundry can wait, the blogging can wait, everything can wait. I have learned that that sweet, snuggly newborn stage is so fleeting that I just want to take it all in, store it up in my heart, and revel in it. Even now, each new day, I wish I could just re-live it. I so wish I could just stop time, right here, today, right now. It's going to pass by so fast and I can hardly stand it. I could just stay here, snuggling this tiny baby body, forever. She's already almost eleven pounds! I just need time to slow down, please...just for awhile.

********************

I am always amazed at how all of our babies look so much alike, even the boys and girls. Check out this first photo of Grace, and then the following one of Haven. It's a good thing I've labeled all our baby photos, because there are so many photos that if I hadn't labeled them, I would have no idea who it was. Especially among the boys who have passed down a lot of outfits.

Her first trip out...five days old, going to church on Saturday night.

Baby Grace and her polka dot pajamas :o)

So now you all know where I've been and what I've been doing. You also probably know why I keep having babies :o)

Birth story to follow soon...promise.

baby grace~

Grace Rose
Monday, 13 April 2009
1:40 pm
21 inches
9lbs 8oz

She's here! And 12 days early! And 9lbs 8oz at 12 days early!

And labor? Well....I don't want to talk about it.

Birth story and better photos to (hopefully) to follow in the next few days.

I don't have any really good photos yet. Hopefully I'll feel like finding the camera wherever the kids stuck it this morning and putting forth some energy to get some good photos. Right now, all I want to do is sleep :o)

Sunday morning after my water broke.

Mommy, Haven, and baby Grace

A very proud and excited big brother

while we've been waiting~

Well, because we have been doing something other than just waiting...

Big Sister

Big Brother

.

Big Brothers...

Little Brothers...

Always Someone to Play With...

I will always be the baby...I will always be the baby...