when i was growing up, i, like probably all children, had this ridiculous idea that parents got to be parents because they had learned everything....then i became a mother while being fully aware that i did not know everything. i couldn't believe that i, who was still very much a silly young girl, was actually someone's mother. only now, ten years and six children later, am i beginning to feel like an actual adult. this was probably compounded by getting married two months after turning 17 (more about that later) and getting pregnant six months later. so i was still a child, who is now getting to learn how to grow up along with my children.
so.....in my being terrified and thinking what a joke to have me for a mom! the Lord began talking to me very clearly one day and encouraged me that i did not have to worry about my children knowing Him. it was not my job to draw them to His heart. yes, i should live my life openly for them to see my passionate love and complete devotion to Him, and should strive to obey His Word and teach them, but i did not need to be fearful that i would ruin my children. aside from His Word, this has been my greatest comfort. and that was the beginning of my journey. little did i know that this was also my warning....God was going to do an incredible work in transforming me and take my family down an unfamiliar and radically different path than almost everyone around us. this process would be messy, and laid out in the open, and my children were going to see it and be in the middle of it. it's hard. we're different, and that is often hard for them. but we are walking in blind faith and trusting Him to cover our family in His grace. i completely believe that the Father was reassuring me that despite what all that was going to look like, His grace was covering it all, and i did not have to fear.
i was told by one of my friends in our wonderful titus 2 group, that usually when God is breaking new ground in the legacy jof a family, or really in any area of our walk with Him, the one in the front gets beat up the most as he or she breaks out of the old stuff and creates the clear path. it requires the most work and the most pain, but.....my children are not going to have do it!!!!!! the way is being made for them to follow and they are going to know God and talk with Him and GET IT.......without having to go through all this stuff!! and THAT makes it all totally worth it. now i am not totally naive, i realize we live in a fallen world and we all have our stuff to work through. i imagine my children will have their stuff too, but they will have grown up in relationship with God and knowing from birth that He wants them, He pursues them, He loves them passionately and intimately, He is their best friend, He is a proud and pleased Father, and He talks WITH them, and answers them, and pretty much all this stuff I've only learned in the last 7 years. and getting that, and being in relationship with Him makes all the difference.
so, as the beginning, that is my life story so far. my eyes are fixed on Him and my heart is trusting in Him as He is gently tearing and ripping all the old stuff out of me. the realization that i am in this process has been slowly revealed to me over the last two years or so, and my mind and heart have being pondering it, i feel now is the time to begin process it outwardly, partly as a help to me, to bring understanding and clarity to my mind, and also to hopefully be an encouragement to other people, particuarly young moms who are in this intense place in life and want more than all else to keep their children's hearts and see them love God passionately.
may we be encouraged that the Lord who is doing incredible work in our hearts is big enough to cover our children in His grace as He molds us, imperfect women trying so hard to be wonderful mothers, into His image and likeness and makes us into who we are called to be in Him...
Here are the two of my most encouraging verses:
"Like a shepherd he pastures His flock:
He gathers the lambs in His arms
And carries them in His bosom;
Gently He drives the mother sheep"
Isaiah 40:11
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And do not rely on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths smooth."
Provers 3:5-6
2012 November
